Wow! It has been years!

I decided to revive this blog because things have been happening!  Our twins are now 7!  Not sure how this is possible but it is.  We are currently a family of 6!  We have adopted a beautiful baby through foster care. We have had her since she was 10 days old out of the NICU and she is 3 now.  We are in the process of adopting our 2.5 yr old we have had since 3 days old.  We have fostered about 35 children since 2014.  Some were just a night and some were 2 plus years.   It has been such a crazy life.  We are still in Ohio but would love to go back to NH in the next 5 yrs. My life also did a 180 after we fostered a little boy born at 27 weeks.  I spent 3 months in the NICU at Nationwide Children's in Columbus, OH with him.  Back story....years ago I worked in a labor and delivery unit and was doing my prereqs for nursing school.  Had a lot of infertility issues and completely left everything.  SO being in the NICU for so long brought back all the dreams I had.  So here I am  after 7 yrs of being a stay at home mom to 8 months into nursing school and working full time at Nationwide Children's Hospital NICU and pretty much hating life but knowing it will be worth it!  I think our foster son being in the NICU put the thought back in my mind and going home to NH this past April accelerated the process.  If we want to move back we need a 2 income household to make it work and I realized I need to follow my dream.  SO here I am crying and stressing over exams and homework and being a working mom of 4!  It will all be worth it but right now it is super hard!

Long time no see!

Wow, I haven't blogged in a looonng time!!! A lot has happened!  We moved to a bigger house. We are about 2 weeks away of getting our license to be a foster home! The girls tuned 2! What made me blog today happened at 6:45am. I know I have posted about things we couldn't live without in previous post but this is what I WISH I HAD!!! I woke up to the girls crying.  It was Nate's turn to wake up with them and he got up and put them back to bed.  I was not happy because I was scared they would fall back to sleep after 7 and then nap time would be a nightmare!  Oh yeah, I should back up. We moved the girls to toddler beds a little over a month ago.  The first week I literally had to sit outside their bedroom door and go in every few minutes and put them back in their bed!  It got better the second week and we had it down pat by the 3rd week.  Fast forward to this week...NIGHTMARE!  I have no idea how they regressed but one day I actually had to sit in their room for both nap time and bedtime. The days we had major issues I noticed the girls slept in until a little after 8am.  I wasn't complaining at the time trust me but I need the break during their nap time!  So Thursday I woke the girls up at 7:30.  Nap time went a little better.  Yesterday they woke up at 7:30 and nap time went much better! All that to bring me to this morning. 
I told Nate he needed to wake them up around 7:30.  Main reason...He was going to be gone most of the afternoon and I didn't want to fight with them at nap time.  I was in and out of sleep until 8 am praying they were not sleeping and just playing quietly.  Every time I woke up I wished I had a video monitor instead of just the sound one.  This isn't the first or even the 10th time I have wished I had a video monitor!  This is my biggest regret and every time I think I should just bite the bullet and get one I talk myself out of it.  I always think that at this point it might be a waste because how much longer do they really need a monitor? 
I remember when we did our baby registry I glanced at the video monitor but saw the price and thought they were one of those pointless waste of money items.  Although, I did consider the angel care monitors because I was paranoid of SIDS.   I guess at the time I figure I couldn't see the girls actually breathing on the video monitor so what was the point!  BIG MISTAKE!
The first time I wished for it was when the girls were about 5 months.  I want to see if the girls were napping and they were such light sleepers opening the door usually woke them up.  Then when we moved to Ohio and they had regular am and pm naps.  They would laugh hysterically at each other and I wanted to see their shenanigans!  Now that they are in toddler beds I have wished for it even more! 
So the piont of this super long drawn out post is...if you are expecting, get the video monitor!  If you are expecting twins or more..GET THE VIDEO MONITOR!!!!! I still might get it if I can find a deal.  This is my one regret!

Apperantly we LOVE to move!

After much conversation and weighing options we have decided to hold off IVF and our working to becoming a foster home.  Nate has always had a heart for it since working at a residential home in NH.  We have make up classes in October/November and then a home study and then we will be licensed.  We realized quickly that our 2 bedroom 1 bath house was not going to work for our plans.  So we are looking at moving next month.  That makes 3 moves in 3 years at the same time every year:(  I really want stability for the girls but this is inevitable.  We have found an amazing 3 bedroom 2.5 bath house!  So again I pack up our life.  I guess the good news is we are only moving 5 miles away instead of 500 miles this time.  So here are a few pics of the new house.

 

Baby 3 and/or 4??

Most moms that are in the toddler stage seem to forget the newborn stage and the pregnancy (if it was particularly hard).  I thought that wouldn't be me.  They start to discuss the serious possibility of another child. I thought that wouldn't be me since I won big at the 2 for 1 sale.  After the discussion it becomes a reality and the planning begins.  SOOOO not me!  HAHHAHA famous last words. 
I have off and on for a little while now had the itch to maybe try IVF again.  I would then have a hard day with the girls and that itch would be gone.  Then it would come back and the cycle began.  The past couple of month the itch has turned into a full blown rash and it is taking Nate along for the ride!
So I started to research IVF clinics here just to test the waters.  OMG for a state that is cheaper than NH in every way they failed in one area...FERTILITY!  The clinics I called wanted $15,000 PER CYCLE(not including medication)!!!! We paid $7500(not including medication)!!! So I call Dr. Hill's office in NH to see if they knew of any clinics around my area.  What I got from that call was hope that we could do this again!  Dr. Hill can do it for me and I would just need to come to NH for about 2 weeks and we could fly Nate in for they last big part!  Not only can he do it but its now only $6800 and if you do 2 cycles and they are unsuccessful the third one is FREE! So I can do 3 cycles for less than the cost of 1 here! So we are projecting early 2014 to start this all over again. 
I still fear it not working but now I kind of fear it working a bit to well!  I have told Nate to just prepare for another set of twin girls.  Or even more hair raising... Triplet girls!  What if Aria and Olivia were just an intro into what is coming (insert shutter here)! I have come to the conclusion what ever happens is no mistake.  God will decide what we need.  So if it is all girls and triplets well he better give me a lot more patients and sleep:)  The reason I say 3 is because 3 eggs might be the best since I will be 32.  We shall see:)  I have a consultation call with Dr. Hill on Monday and I am sure we will discuss that.  So I am sure there will be more post to come!

Must Haves for Us 12-18 month

So I keeping with the tradition of the must haves that worked for us I thought I should do a 12-18 month post. I have no idea if anyone reads these list or even cares but it is fun to look back on as time flies! So on to the list.

1. Baby Signing Time or Signing Time DVDs -  These are super annoying and the songs get in your head for hours but THEY WORK!  Liv can sign so many things I can't keep up and Aria is right behind her.  They still don't talk much so this helps A LOT!!!!!

2.  Riding Toys-  The girls LOVE anything they can "Drive" or ride!

4.  Books- They love to be read to or just sit on their bean bags and read to themselves

5.  Blocks and Shape Sorters-  They get frustrated easily with them but when I sit down and help them they love it.

6. Hide and Squeak Eggs-  These are not something I would have purchased but my mom sent them as a Christmas gift and they LOVE them!!!

7. Water Table-  My friend gave us her water table and it is a huge hit.  It also hold an umbrella which is good!

8.  Rash Guard Long Sleeve Swimsuits-  Less sunscreen=good!

I guess that is all I can think of for now

Encouragement

Found this online. I don't know where it is from or who wrote it but really hit home with my last post!

To the mom who's breastfeeding: Way to go! It really is an amazing gift to give your baby, for any amount of time that you can manage! You're a good mom.

To the mom who's formula feeding: Isn't science amazing? To think there was a time when a baby with a mother who couldn't produce enough would suffer, but now? Better living through chemistry! You're a good mom.

To the cloth diapering mom: Fluffy bums are the cutest, and so friendly on the bank account. You're a good mom.

To the disposable diapering mom: Damn those things hold a lot, and it's excellent to not worry about leakage and laundry! You're a good mom.

To the mom who stays home: I can imagine it isn't easy doing what you do, but to spend those precious years with your babies must be amazing. You're a good mom.

To the mom who works: It's wonderful that you're sticking to your career, you're a positive role model for your children in so many ways, it's fantastic. You're a good mom.

To the mom who had to feed her kids from the drive thru all week because you're too worn out to cook or go grocery shopping: You're feeding your kids, and hey, I bet they aren't complaining! Sometimes sanity can indeed be found in a red box with a big yellow M on it. You're a good mom.

To the mom who gave her kids a homecooked breakfast lunch and dinner for the past week: Excellent! Good nutrition is important, and they're learning to enjoy healthy foods at an early age, a boon for the rest of their lives. You're a good mom.

To the mom with the kids who are sitting quietly and using their manners in the fancy restaurant: Kudos, it takes a lot to maintain order with children in a place where they can't run around. You're a good mom.

To the mom with the toddler having a meltdown in the cereal aisle: they always seem to pick the most embarrassing places to lose their minds don't they? We've all been through it. You're a good mom.

To the moms who judge other moms for ANY of the above? Glass houses, friend. Glass houses.

Pre Kid Me vs. Post Kid Me

I have struggled in the past year and a half with feelings of guilt and sadness.  I know I touched on this a while back but it seems to stay with me.  I have said this time and again.  Pre twin Emily would kick the crap out of Post twin Emily!!!! Reason... not being 100% grateful and loving every minute of being a mom!!!  I would have done anything to be a mom and if I had read a blog with a woman that had beautiful twin girls complaining about how hard it is, well I would have had a few choice words for that mom.  Fast forward to today!  Our life is defiantly not the rainbows and butterflys I thought it would be!  There are times I sit back and look at my girls and know how lucky I am .  They make me laugh and are sooo cute it hurts.  However, there are more times than not they cry all the time, fight with each other and get into more trouble in one second while my back is turned.  I get so frustrated and don't know how to get through the day!  Then I see the news in the minute I am ready to lose it and see the destruction the tornado in OK caused and how many parents lost their children and feel horribly guilty. Then I read a blog about a fellow infertile struggling with another loss and feel even more guilty!  How does one find balance????  Then throw in being married with kids!  That is a whole different post!  I feel such immense pressure to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother and have the perfect house.  Do I let the girls CIO or look into more attachment parenting.  Do I freak out when I let the girls eat something not good for them!  The list is endless!  With so many strong opinions on parenting out there how do I know what to do!  I always feel judge by another mom or even strangers.  Maybe I put that on myself but I do feel mothers can be the most judgmental!! Myself included! I would also like to say if I have ever said something ignorant and judgmental to anyone before I had kids about parenting I am sorry and now realize how hard it really is!  I am more convinced then even as moms working or stay at home it doesn't matter we need to all stick together because this is HARD!  I guess I will get off my soap box now.  Next time I am tempted to criticize someone else's parenting skills I will reread this and remember we are all doing the best we can and its all a gray area! There isn't one right way to parent and I just need to find what works for us.