Tuesday, November 23, 2010


So I have had a very busy couple of weeks.  First my acupuncturist put me on a cleansing diet.  I couldn't eat for 3 days.  I just drank water and a lemon juice/maple syrup mixture.  That was really hard to do but I did it.  Then I could only eat fruits and vegetables for the next 20 days.  I have never craved carbs so much in my life!  Now I am back on weight watchers and it is going well.  I am not sure how Thursday will be so I am hoping for the best.
The only other issue lately is Nate has had a few freak outs.  He thinks we cant afford kids.  He did everything out on paper and freaked out.  My feeling is NO ONE can afford to have kids on paper.  You just do it and it all seems to work out.  He says he doesn't want to just get by.  I say it doesn't matter how we do it having kids is one of life greatest gifts and if everyone waited until they were ready and had enough money in their opinion NO ONE would have kids.  So after talking to his brother in law he realized what I was saying is right.  This is the one thing in life you just do and it will work out.  I am not saying we can't plan ahead but I also feel that if we waited until Nate felt ready we would be childless forever.  Also who knows how long his insurance will cover IVF.  They could change there policy and the coverage in 2012 and then we would be stuck with nothing!   So after presenting my argument and our awesome brother in laws wisdom (they have 3 kids) Nate has finally calmed down.  I forget that the male instinct is to provide and Nate is realizing that this is happing very soon.  I have to understand he needs to freak out every once in awhile because it is a big responsibility and I am sure for him it is scary. I would be lying if I said sometimes I freak out.  What if I am a bad mother and my kids end up being serial killers or screw up their lives.  What if my kids hate me or feel like they can never talk to me.  What if I screw up their lives.  All my life I have wanted to be a mom but what if I am just not good at it.  
 What if I can't keep them safe!  Every once in awhile I get scared.  Thats when I feel that if I just love them and doing everything in my power to help them grow and nurture them it will all work out!  A lot of our friends don't have a ton of money and their kids are some of the happiest I have ever seen!  So I am not sure how many freak outs will happen between now and January but I think it is part of the process.  I think when we look at our child for the first time we will instantly know we made the right choice.