A dream can put your life in perspective!

For the past week and a half in the evenings and sometimes through the night, evil babies take over my sweet princesses!  The girls turn into crazed children that cry with such an ear piercing wails that could wake the dead!   This can go on for hours.  Sometimes getting them calmed down takes moving heaven and earth.  Other times they just want me to hold them.  The doctor says they are over tired and are overstimulated.  She took Aria yesterday and tried to show us a technique that was fail proof and would have her asleep in 10 seconds.  Aria proved her technique wrong!  The doctor after 10 minutes just stared at Aria in awe and said this was the first kid to fight sleep so hard.  At least my girl didn't make a liar out of me.  She finally fell asleep and the doctor looked at Nate and I with compassion and I think a little pity and wanted to make an appointment in 2 weeks to see how this cranky/sleep issue was going.  She gave us some ideas which we tried yesterday.  Our reward......the worst night EVER!  I usually go to sleep around 10pm and Nate has baby watch until 1am since he is a night owl.  At 11:30 he stormed into the bedroom and says he can't take it anymore.  They both had been screaming since 10:30.  They screamed the WHOLE night!  We took turns relieving each other because we both were at our whits end! I finally brought them out to the living room around 7am and Nate woke up at 9am so I could take a nap.  I feel asleep sooo fast.  I also had a dream.  When I need sleep my dreams get very realistic! In my dream I was pregnant with the girls still and got a call from my doctor that the girls were not going to make it!  It felt so real.  The emotions I had in my dream were such raw sadness and hopelessness. I couldn't stop crying in the dream.  I startled myself and woke up in a cold sweat and sitting straight up in bed.  In that minute I realized as hard as this is, what if that had happened!  It made me take a good look at my situation.  This is by far the hardest time I have ever had but they make it worth it.  I wouldn't trade them for 2 of the non crankiest babies on the planet.  I don't think I have ever taken my girls for granted but last night was a very hard night and I think I just needed a reminder of how lucky I have it.  I am sure there will be other nights it will be bad and I just need to remember it could be a lot worse.  I could be getting 8-10 hours of sleep a night but not have the joy my girls bring me.  

The twin conspiracy!!

Being only 2 weeks old I never thought my girls would start to conspire against me until way later in life but that must have been wishful thinking!  I also thought the way they slept for the first 5 days would be all I was in for.  they would eat every 3 hours and then sleep soundly until the next feeding.  I thought to myself this wasn't that hard! Boy was I dumb and a new mom!  So some examples of the great twin conspiracy.  Lately only at night Olivia has been very cranky in between feedings which leaves me with about a total of 2 hours of sleep from 10pm-10am.  She doesn't want to wait 3 hours before her next meal she wants it every 2 or 2and half hours.  Aria on those night would sleep very soundly and I would have to wake her up to eat.  well the past 2 nights Olivia apparently had enough of this and wanted a good night sleep so Aria decided it was her turn to eat every 2 hours and cry in between feedings while her sister slept nice and cozy for the first time in days!  Occasionally they would throw me a curve ball and they would both cry.  I am convinced they wanted to see who would get tended to first! I wish they could go back to sleeping in between feedings!  Oh and I forgot to mention as soon as 2am hits until at least 9am my husband turns into a zombie and can't function!  He is completely useless to me so I am on my own for most of the night feedings and after feeding and changing 2 babies I then have to pump their next meal.  It usually takes me an hour to an hour and a half.  Although last night I got it down to 40 minutes by feeding both babies and pumping at the same time.  My multitasking skills should be in the Olympics!  Another example of their conspiracy is they will spit out their pacifiers every couple of minutes.  Yes we use pacifiers!  You can tell me all the bad tings about them but we are in survival mode in this house and that includes pacifiers.  Anyway, they don't spit them out together because that wouldn't be fun.  One will spit it out and cry so I will get up or stop what I am trying to get done to pop it back in their mouths.  Then I will go back to the endless laundry or cleaning bottles and the other one will do it.  They time it perfectly.  If I sit and watch them they magically can keep their pacifiers in until I get up.  I am scared to see what they do when they really can communicate with each other!  As frustrating as the nights and pacifier game can become I still look at my beautiful girls and think it is still worth it!  They are still my pride and joy.  I can't wait to see their personalities as they grow. 

What a week!

It has been a very tiring week and to top it off there is something wrong with my Mac Book Pro!  It of course started while I was in the hospital and I have been with out it now for a week so I can't download new pictures and update this blog.  My i pad isn't the greatest at typing and just frustrates me. So I am updating on my husbands computer.
As for my girls, they are doing well and growing! It makes me sad to see how fast they are growing.  I am trying to treasure every moment but with two it is hard!  I always feel like I am giving the crankiest one most of my attention.  Lately it has been Olivia.  I am not sure if she is gassy or just going through a phase.  I feel like I am not giving Aria enough attention and it breaks my heart.  Plus most of my free time is spent cleaning and sleeping.   Some days I feel like I am sleeping this precious time with them away.  With every crazy day that goes by I love them more and more!
As for the crazy moods and hormones after pregnancy that gets better every day as well!  For the first few days home I HATED the ups and downs and the weird feelings.  I did get a little worried about PPD but I feel as though I am almost on the other side of the emotions.  I am thankful for that because I didn't want to be medicated.  I have been on that stuff before and it makes me really drowsy. Trust me though I would take it if I needed to.
Breastfeeding is non existent and I have come to terms with it.  I do pump after every feeding so they are getting strictly breast milk.  That was a source of severe anxiety and stress.  After I decided to strictly pump I then felt guilty and defeated that i couldn't cut it. Those thoughts have passed and it is nice that others can help with feedings and they are still getting only breast milk.
The biggest thing I learned this week is having twins is hard!!  When I look at their beautiful faces I wouldn't trade it for the world!

Oh my gosh I am a MOM!!!!!

On Thursday December 1st all my dreams came true!  My girls are finally here! I went to my doctors appointment on Wednesday and again my blood pressure was up.  So my doctor decided to induce me because of my blood pressure.  I thought he would make me do a C-Section but because the girls heart rates were great and always have been he said we could try an induction.  He did say he would call a section if at any point even the slightest thing look weird during labor so I was prepared that I had a 50/50 chance of a vaginal delivery.  So I called Nate and went to the hospital.  He broke Aria's water at noon and started pitocin.  I was having uncomfortable contractions for the first hour and half and then they turned up the pitocin which causes your uterus to contract a little harder that a natural labor.  I am a huge baby and have no pain thresh hold so the next half hour was the worst pain I have ever felt!  So I thought I am no hero and if drugs are available then why not! I got an epidural and it was AMAZING!  From 2pm to midnight I stayed at 4cm and in the back of my head I thought it would end in a section.  He came and checked me at around 2am and tried to fool me and act like I hadn't progressed.  He has a great sense of humor.  He said what a normal progression should be with a face that said you haven't progressed.  So I asked if he was going to do a section a little disappointed.  Then he said " well you are at 9 and a half".  Nate was resting at this point and shoot up out of the couch and freaked out!  It was very humorous.  So he told me to rest and in a little bit we would start pushing!  By the way I was in no pain the whole time!  I did start feeling pressure which was my cue when I started pushing.  SO at 4:21am Miss Aria Ann entered the would! At little TMI... the doctor said put your hands down and pull your baby out!  So I got to pull Aria out.  It was amazing! 
Then things took a little scary turn at that point and Olivia started to show signs of distress so I had to have oxygen and had to get he out fast.  My doctor said if I didn't get her out in the next push then we would have to use the vacuum to get her out.  I have never pushed so hard in my life and got her out with out the vacuum! She was born at 4:36 am. They rushed her over to the stablette and  I couldn't really see what was going on.  I tried to take of the oxygen mask and move to see her but my doctor yelled at me to put it back on and push my epidural button.  He looked concerned while treating me so I got really scared.  I had a child surrounded by 2 doctors and a few nurses and now something was going on with me.  My doctor and nurse were push on my stomach so hard and it was way worse than labor!  Apparently I had a (TMI alert) bleeding and clotting issue and it they needed to do some interesting things to resolve it. I panicked and started crying.  They had to take Olivia to the special care nursery due to not transition from womb to oxygen well so she had some breathing issues.   Worst 2 hours ever.  I couldn't even hold Aria for the first hour because of my issues.  In the end everything was fine and I got a vaginal delivery!  I am having a great recovery!  I feel awesome as physically.  Mentally the hormones are driving me crazy but nothing I can't handle. 
Aria was 6lbs 5ounces and 20 inches long.  Olivia was 5lbs 3ounces and 18 inches long.  They are the most amazing and beautiful babies I have ever seen (obviously I am quite partial)!!! Well time for feedings!

Olivia Jean

Some of the doctors and nurses in room...more came

Aria Ann

Aria

Olivia

Step 1 in the eviction process-complete!

This morning Nate and I braved the snowy storm and drove to my doctors office.  I am happy to say I am 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced so I am progressing.  Then he did the membrane strip.  It wasn't pleasant and since I am a big baby I thought it hurt.  With how I have progressed my doctor upped my chances to 60% of it working.  Right now I am just crampy and very sore.  Another great thing about having them on friday is my doctor will be there all day and night so he will get to deliver them!  I really think Friday is perfect but we will see what the girls have in mind!  When Aria became head down we cancelled my c-section that was suppose to happen on the first.  So if they are stubborn and insist on staying in we will call my Dr. the morning of the 4th and go in and just do a section.  I wanted to see if we could still do it the first but unfortunately they are all booked.  So my new end date is the 4th which is next Sunday but I am really hoping for Friday! Happy Thanksgiving!

Found this letter on babycenter and thought it works in this situation!

Dear Aria and Olivia -

While you have dutifully completed 37 weeks of residency in the House of Mom. This letter is to hereby notify you that you must voluntarily vacate the premises within the next 3 days or face eviction.

In most cases we would allow you to extend your residency to 40 weeks. However, due to the failing health of the building, we insist on moving you out early.

It is our understanding that your next residency is filled with laughter, love and lots of coddling. We even hear there is free food and beverage at your disposal.

We thank you for the opportunity to explore every bathroom facility in the Lakes Region/Plymouth area. Your kicks and hiccups will be missed. We wish you the very best as you learn to become placenta free.

Thank you for your understanding in this very important matter.

Signed: UTe R-Us, owner and operator of the House of Mom

Come on Girls....Lets get this party started!

So yesterday was my twin due date meaning the day my twins are considered full term and can come out safely.  Nothing happened except I am fighting an ear infection and bronchitis.  No doctor had an open appointment yesterday so I decided to go to the closes ER which is not my delivering hospital.  I figured instead of driving 45 minutes to my hospital I would just drive 15 min to the hospital closes to us since my sickness had nothing to do with the babies.  I walked into the ER and freaked all the nurses out.  They had to call Labor and delivery to see if they could treat me.  Then they took my blood pressure and it was on the high side which freaked them out again.  Again a call to their on call OB and they needed to test my urine for protein.   So I got up to go give my sample and I felt a little bit of fluid down there and made the mistake of making a noise.  The doctor was in the room and obviously ask about the noise I mad so I said that a little bit of fluid came out which sent them in another freak out moment and they needed to see if it was amniotic fluid.  A little TMI.... when you have a baby head resting on your bladder things can happen add a second baby head down there it can happen a lot which I prepare for.  I let them know it was probably just my bladder but that was no good enough for them.  So instead for just being checked out for an ear infection and bronchitis, I ended up with a fluid test and a protein test and they also called my OB.  I know they need to take precautions but it was a little much.  Everything came out negative which I knew was going to happen.  If I knew all that was going to happen I would just drove to my hospital. 
Today I have spend on the couch just resting and for about 20 min I had on and off contractions that were the strongest I have ever had.  It felt like my uterus was being ripped in half.  I started timing them and then they went away!  I have no idea what that means!  They were really bad.  So now I have no idea if this is going to happen soon and I am getting frustrated because I am the worlds most impatient person and I just want to have a plan.  Tomorrow my doctor will strip my membranes but that only works 50% of the time so I am trying not to get my hopes up.  I really would love to have the babies Friday for some reason.  I just want to hold them and see their faces!  I want to finally be a mom.  I know I am so close and I am so thankful they have stayed in this long but I have never been more anxious in my life!  My doctor said that I did such a good job trying to keep them in for so long that they are to scared to come out now that its time.  So hopefully I will have an idea of a plan tomorrow after my appointment. 

Getting prepared!

I had my doctors appointment on Wednesday and I know being 1 cm means it still could take a while but it was nice to hear I am progressing towards seeing these girls!  The good news is my doctor said progressing from 1-10 cm with twins goes faster than if I were having just one so he is optimistic we will see them in the next 2 weeks. 
Today my friend Abby came over to help me finish up some loose ends.  She brought over her kirby and went to town on our explorer so we could put the car seats in.  I have been stressing over getting them in for awhile now.  We also set up a little pink Christmas tree because I didn't want to have to deal with a real one this year and I thought in the years to come it would be cute to set up in the girls room every year.  When I was a kid I wanted a Christmas tree in  room so bad that I use to go out and hunt a pine tree branch and put it in my room with paper ornaments.  So I figured they would love a tree in there room and hopefully they like pink.
We also did a maternity shoot.  Abby has a great camera and has done photography as a hobby for a while.  I wish it wasn't as windy but we got some great shots! 
Tomorrow Nate and I are headed to Babies r Us to get the last minute stuff we still need.  After that I have nothing to do.  Everything is done and ready which is hard to believe.  This week I am making a few crock pot meals for dinner and I making enough to freeze for those first crazy weeks of being new parents.  I already have soup and chili done and frozen so I think a few more will be good.  I can't believe I could have these babies any day.  I am so thankful I have made it as far as I have!  Instead of praying they stay in just a little longer, I am now at the point where they are safe to come out any time!  I am defiantly ready to see them and I am soooo uncomfortable!   Even when they move it can be painful.  I kinda hope my next post is their birth announcement but only time will tell!

Rule number 1......Children even in utero are unpredictable!

So probably around 31 or 32 weeks I was in bed on my side and Aria was moving really weird and my side was so distorted for about a minute.  I didn't think anything of it and went to sleep.  The next morning it felt like her head was jammed in my ribs and has been like that since.  So going in for my ultrasound today I was unprepared for what I heard!  That little stinker flipped!  The "head" in my ribs, the one Nate and I have been lovingly feeling and patting was her bum!!  I have spent the past 5 weeks mentally preparing myself for a C-Section.  I have researched and convinced myself a C-Section was better and finally had come to terms with it.  I loved having a set end date and knowing once they started the section it would be minutes before I would see Aria's face and then Olivia's.  Now knowing both girls are head down and in perfect position for a vaginal delivery I am really nervous!  Don't get me wrong I am so thankful and I have wanted a vaginal delivery since day one.  I remember calling my mom crying when I thought we had to do a section.  Now that we can go any day now I am scared of labor.  They are both measuring about 4 and half pounds each which is very exciting and they are practicing their "breathing" in preparation for being out in the world!  So as of now I have around 9 lbs of baby I am carrying around!  Also this weekend a lot of people have commented that I have dropped. So we are getting close and its AWESOME to know if I go into labor now we are looking good for little or no help for the girls after delivery!   I see my OB on Wednesday and I am excited to see how we will proceed with the news of head down babies! 

Cutest baby hats!

I found these on babysteals!  Its a cool website that offers discounted items twice a day.  I saw these hats and couldn't resist!

The change into little purses!

The nursery so far!

The walk in closet

A lot of clothes!

The diaper bag is packed and ready although my bag isn't

The room isn't quite done yet but it's almost there.  I still have some light switches to change and a glider will replace the rocking chair.  The pack and play will be in our room and I am sure the swing and bouncy seats will end up in the living room.    

We have an official date!

It has been really busy around here lately.  We finally moved and now we are just getting unpacked and settled.  We have been so lucky to have such great friends to help us!  I haven't done much but tell people where things go and even had my friends 4 year old daughter telling on me anytime I tried to get up and move anything.  The nursery is almost done and as soon as it is I will post pictures.  The view is amazing and I sit in the same spot on my couch and I made sure I could see the lake from "my seat". 
We also had a little scare last Thursday.  I took a nap and woke up around 1:30pm and started having contractions which is normal for me.  By 5pm They hadn't let up so I started timing them.  They got to be 8 min apart and started moving to my back so around 8pm I called.  They wanted me to come in and on the car ride to the hospital they got to be 4 min apart.  They got me on the monitors which the girls didn't like and kept kicking off the toco's.  Sure enough I was having contractions so they checked me and thank god nothing else was happening.  They asked me what I had done that week and I told them.  They said my body was finally starting to relax after a very stressful 2 weeks and that's why I was contracting more than usual.  I am glad they are still cooking but I was very nervous heading to the hospital. 
 I had my doctors appointment today and we decided to go ahead and schedule a C-Section.  So our "official" date is December 1, 2011.  I have another ultrasound November 7th and if Aria is still breech then that is the day.  I know she still breech now because I can feel her head on my side.  My doctor said he thinks the girls will give me trouble in the next 4 and half weeks but they will be stubborn and stay in until December 1st.  As long as they are healthy I am fine with 38 and half weeks although I was wishing for 37 weeks because that is full term for twins, but I don't want to be in the hospital for Thanksgiving.  4 and half weeks seems soooo long especially since I am very uncomfortable and measuring 42 weeks.  At least I have an end date and if they do stay in until Dec 1st it will be weird to know that when I wake up that day my life will change forever!  I wonder if they can give me something to sleep the night before because it will be worse than a kid on Christmas eve and I think I will need a good night sleep for the last time for a loooong time!


A few photos from my shower...

The awesome cake Abby made me

Sara's house 

One of the diaper cakes Leasa made me

Happy and Sad Day

So if you know me personally or have been following my blog you now one of my big stresses has been where my cats were going to go.  Well today our prayers were answered.  I had put them on Craigslist in hopes that a good family would give them a good home.  This morning I woke up to an email from a family that wanted them!   They came to pick them up and the family realized she had been to our house before for my best friends baby shower.  Turns out she is related to my best friend!  That makes me feel soooo better that they will not be split up and going to a loving home!  I am really sad they are gone but happy it worked out.  I was crying when they left and decided to call my mom.  She picked up the phone crying herself and I knew bad news was looming.  This past Saturday Nate and I went to Brattleboro, VT to see my grandfather.  He wasn't doing well, but I am glad I had the chance to see him.  She told me he pasted away this morning.  So I feel like I have been crying for the past hour and half.  He was 91 and led a great long life.    So to sum up the day at barely 11am...bittersweet. 

Crazy couple of weeks!

It's been awhile since I last posted.  I have been busy and didn't really have much to post about.  I was going to do a baby shower post but I am waiting for pictures from a friend.  I can say it was amazing!  So hopefully that will be my next post.  I know in my last post I said we found a condo which is great but we still don't know if we are moving this weekend or next which frustrates me because I can't set up help or a uhaul until we know so yet again I am waiting.  The other issue that is bothering me is our cats.  We can't take them unfortunately and every place that had a washer/dryer hookup that would work for us doesn't allow pets.  So we have asked friends and even called the local humane society.  No one can take them.  I have an add on Craigslist and my cousin is checking some options.  We are going to try other humane societies but I want them to go somewhere together at least for a little while.  I get to emotional talking about it and can't make calls because usually I cry a lot so Nate has had to do the majority of the work which can be hard because he works.  So I am hoping that we can figure out the cat thing soon and it is a good option. 

On a happier note I got to see my girls today!  They were very rambunctious and as usual didn't cooperate so it took longer than usual.  Olivia is still trying to be in Aria's space.  The bad news is Aria is the "presenting" twin meaning she will come out first but she is very breech.  Her bottom is where here head should be.  Olivia is head down which is good but measuring bigger than Aria which is weird because Aria has measured bigger at all the other ultrasounds.  They said that can happen though.  So we have ourselves a little predicament. This can go one of three ways and 2 of the 3 ways end up in a c section.  The first is they stay where they are which would be an absolute c section.   The second way is Aria flips and becomes head down and Olivia flips back around to breech.  That would 99% end up in a c section because they need Olivia to be smaller than Aria for a breech delivery but she may be able to be flipped once Aria is out.  The 3rd way is what I am praying for which would be Aria flips and Olivia stays put.  If I remember correctly Aria has about 2 weeks from now to flip due to the room in my uterus but I will be talking to my OB more next week.  The odds are against a vaginal birth but so where my odds of having one baby let alone two so I am optimistic. 
I did find the girls coming home outfits finally.  I was having trouble finding preemie size outfits that I liked for that "special" outfit but i finally did.  The babies are a little under 3lbs as of now and they don't expect them to get much more than 5lbs at delivery so preemie sizes are a must. I liked the fact the outfits' pattern matched but they are different outfits. I can't believe I am at 30 weeks and hopefully will be meeting them in 7 weeks!  I would be ok at a 35 week delivery but not any sooner so I praying for a vaginal birth at 37 weeks!!

Miss Aria Ann

Aria again

Miss Olivia looking at us

Olivia not wanting to give a profile

And still the only shot of them together...The double heads!

Some questions have been answered!

So in the past I have posted about my pain in this pregnancy and also how we need to move.  Those things have been a constant stress for me.   So far this weekend has turned out to be AWESOME and its not over yet. 
First, I didn't want to post about the pregnancy issues until all the paperwork was approved and everything was set but I am now out of work which means I control my environment.  I feel so much better!  I still have really bad days when I know I have over done it but I can stop and do what I need to do to get it under control.  Most days I am on the couch making sure I am resting and staying hydrated.  When I do go out I limit my walking.  Today for instance Nate and I went apple picking because I was craving apples.  It consisted of Nate picking and me sitting on the picnic table and going to a place a tractor takes you right to the trees which meant I really didn't have to walk.  It can get really boring at times but its much better then the alternative.  I still get contractions every day and some days they can be really bad but being able to lay down and rest is amazing!
The other stress was were we are going to live.  We have a great bank that is working with us with our house so it doesn't affect us as bad.  We also signed a lease today to a condo way closer to Nate's work! So now I know where we will be when the girls get here!  The best part is it is on a lake!  The condo's also have a beach!  I am such a water person so this place is great.  Plus it is all one floor and has a washer and dryer which was a MUST for me!  It is perfect for us!  So things seem to be working out for us after much praying and trusting! 
The third and last great thing about this weekend is tomorrow is my baby shower!  I actually get a little emotional thinking about it because I wasn't sure if I would ever get one!  I used to go to other showers and would get a little sad and wondered if I would get that experience!  I hope I can hold it together tomorrow and not let my emotions get the best of me.  So over all its been a great weekend and I can't wait until all the loose ties are done and I can just concentrate on preparing for these girls!

View from the condo!

Happy Birthday Dad!

Today would have been my dads 62cd birthday.  So in a tradition my husband and I started after he passed we will have steak and Idahoans for dinner.  My dad couldn't stop talking about Idahoans towards the end of his life.  They are instant mashed potatoes that are actually not to bad.  I usually HATE instant potatoes but one night he made me try them and I was surprised that I could stomach them.  He was so proud of himself when they went on sale and he bought the store out.  When he passed away I made sure I took all 15 bags of them that he had stocked up on.  He would have been upset if they had went to waste.  It's amazing it has been almost 4 years since he died.  Sometimes it feels like yesterday.  I always get a little down on his birthday and they day he passed.  This birthday is a little different because I keep thinking he will never get to see his granddaughters.  I have his blue eyes and I wonder if they will as well.  I sometimes think how he would have reacted when I told him we were going to have twin girls!  I wonder how he would be when they got here.  When they first told me my due date I was a little sad because it is the day before the anniversary of his death and I really don't know how I feel about that so when we found out it was twins I was a little relieved that most twins come at 37 weeks so it put me due in November.   So I will be a little sad today and remember all the things I loved about him.

My dad and I tying my first fly which he named "Ems the Fly"

Finally some belly shots

I am still on modified bed rest until Sept 6th and then I go back to my OB and see where we are at.  I am feeling better this week and have some medicine to help the contracting.  Obviously if the medicine doesn't work at any point then I need to call my OB.  I haven't tried it yet because I prefer taking as little medication as possible.  At least now I know how scary preterm contractions can be so I don't freak out as much.
I have been feeling the girls move a lot now and the only time it is uncomfortable is when they kick my bladder!  Tonight they both think it is fun to do it together!  Sometimes it takes my breath away but any chance to feel them is a good time!  Olivia in the past few weeks had decided to get as close to Aria as possible so the right side of my stomach seems bigger then my left and my belly button is never in the middle of my stomach like it use to be.  On a quick ultrasound 2 weeks ago she was pushing herself as far over in Aria's space which resulted in Aria hitting her!  It's cute that they are close.
I was able to get some 24 and a half week belly shots using my 30th birthday present from Nate!  Its a Nikon Coolpix L120!  I love it and takes great photos.  

25 1/2 weeks!

  

The most eventful week of this pregnancy so far!

Well after a very eventful weekend the week hasn't gotten much better!  I have had at least a few hours of contractions everyday!  Last night was the worst they got very painful and I called my OB.  He said to give it a few more hours and if it gets worse to go in and they would start me on steroids to help mature the girls lungs.  Then I would be shipped to Dartmouth or Boston.  I prayed they wouldn't get worse!  I would feel better if I was at 26 plus weeks because the chance of survival is good.  Wow I never thought I would think a 26 week delivery would be a wish!  I obviously hope they stay in way longer than that but I would rather 26 weeks instead of 24!  I am grateful I am at the point where they would fight for our girls if they were born in the next week or so.  I haven't been back to work since Friday when everything started going haywire and I am hoping at my appointment Monday I get put on modified bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy!  Anyway, the contractions stayed the same and I went to bed.  This morning I just feel sore and I am sure if I get up and do any light activity the contractions will start again so I am trying to stay on the couch.   Hopefully with modified bed rest I can keep these babies in for a long time!  We will see what happens!

I think I have had enough fun for one day!

I came home from work last night in extreme pain...nothing new. After about an hour I started to feel contractions.  So I rested and went to sleep.  This morning I work up just feeling sore as usual and when I uses the restroom...TMI ALERT...  I saw part of my mucous plug.  So freaking out I called my doctor.  I got the on call doctor that told me if there is no blood with it that is a good sign so I needed to be on bedrest.  If things changed I needed to call her.  So I parked myself on the couch until about 2pm when the bachelor party my husband was throwing made its way to our house. So I was exiled to my bedroom with my laptop.  In the process I started contracting again which of course made me nervous but it was so irregular I knew it wasn't the real deal.  About an hour later my vision started to go haywire.  I had bright rainbow streaks running though my left eye.  Another reason for me to freak out.  So after some research I found out it was an ocular migraine and it went away after 45 min.  This pregnancy has to be the most eventful and crazy.  I have no idea what is going to happen next but I wish I could have a doctor live with me for the remainder of this pregnancy. 

The girls!

I went in for my anatomy scan yesterday and boy did Nate and I get the surprise of a lifetime.  We thought for sure we were having a boy and a girl.  I was so sure I even put boy stuff on my registry and stressed about boy names.  The ultrasongrapher confirmed A was a girl so  45 min we checked her out.  She is right on track and doing perfectly for 20 weeks!  We saw the spine, heart, brain, bladder, kidneys and girl parts.  The whole time we were in awe over what we could see on the ultrasound but were dying to get to B.  I actually wasn't so anxious because I felt I already knew what they were going to tell me but Nate was very anxious.  I blame my confidence on my mother!  She was convinced at the transfer I would have twins and they would be a boy and a girl and every time I talked to her she would say its a boy and a girl and she felt she was right so I guess I started believing her because she was right about the twins.  So we finally got to B and she looked at us and said you are having 2 girls!  I wish I had a video camera of Nate's face!  Most guys are a little disappointed not to get a boy to play sports with or do boy things with.  Nate isn't disappointed he is downright scared!  His first thought is how do I make my daughters know their worth and have good self esteem and be strong woman!  He is scared about when boys come around and if he should buy a shot gun or a sniper rifle!  Yesterday really made me appreciate the kind of man I married!  I know they will wrap him around their fingers the minute they are born but I know for a fact he will be a great dad to daughters!  I think he knows his world will be even more pink than it already is and he will love every minute of it.  We had a talk last night about how we treat each other.  Not that we fight a lot but every couple has their disagreements.  He wants to make sure he sets a good example of how a man should treat his wife and how a wife should treat her husband.  Then he said to me point blank last night he just wants the very best for them and wants to make sure he is providing everything they need emotionally!  Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky! 
The ultrasound pictures are glossier than normal so it was had to take a pic of them so I got a few.

Baby Girl A

Their 2 heads are together!

Baby girl B

Baby girl B

  Oh and for the names.......


                         Baby A:    Aria (Arya) Ann   (we are disagreeing about the spelling)
                         Baby B:    Olivia Jean
The middle name Ann is my mothers middle name and the middle name Jean is Nate's moms middle name.

Calm, not so cool and swollen!

I have been surprisingly calm and relaxed the past couple days.  I think one of the biggest reasons is my blood pressure returned to normal on Monday.  I had a hard week at work last week and I know that made my blood pressure go up.  I just really didn't want my blood pressure to be an issue this early.  I know what the outcome can be and I am not delivering these babies early if I can help it.   I am also happy that I am not on strict bed rest because we have a lot of upcoming plans including my vacation that starts tomorrow!  Maybe that's why I feel so relaxed. 
The weather is defiantly doing a number on me!  I am so swollen and can't even wear my wedding rings.  I also developed pregnancy induced carpal tunnel..yes that happens!  My hands go numb and hurt when I am sleeping, using the computer, talking on the phone and even driving!  Why don't they mention that in the pregnancy books I read!  It is a real pain but I remember dying for pregnancy symptoms so I can't complain to much! 
Another great thing that happened this week is I finally felt actual kicking form both of them!  I have been feeling their bigger movements for a while now but finally this week I felt the "flutters" of the kicks!  I LOVE feeling them and I wish they would kick more!  It's awesome to feel them kick together!  Its like two butterfly's in different parts of my stomach flying around!  
I feel like this post is all over the place but a lot of different things are on my mind...like my big 30th birthday next weekend!  It has been hard to try to plan something because everyone seemed to plan something for that weekend.  We have a wedding out of state next Saturday and because we didn't know what was happening in the bed rest department we held off on planning anything.  So I think we are just going to take the money we would have spent on a party and buy a new camera.  I really like the Nikon COOLPIX L120 14.1 MP Digital Camera with 21x NIKKOR Wide-Angle Optical Zoom Lens and 3-Inch LCD.  It seems like a great camera and reasonably priced as well.  I want something that is a little more advanced because we have a lot of pictures we will be taking in the near future.  I still want to plan to go to dinner somewhere with friends at some point but the rest of the summer is so jam packed I am not sure if it will work out.  
I guess thats all in our world....oh yeah we have a big ultrasound on Monday and I really Hope Baby B cooperates so we know both genders!!!!

Well, Got Some Answers..... Good and Bad

I saw my new Ob on Monday and gave him the history of the pregnancy so far.  After a few minutes of explaining the pain issue he said he knew what it was!  He had done the surgery for my first ectopic pregnancy.  He said after 3 laprascopic surgeries I have a lot of scar tissue at the base of my uterus and when it stretches or I am up and down and moving it pulls and stretches that scar tissue which causes a lot of pain. Plus a twin pregnancy can really cause more stretching and pulling which results in a ton of pain!  It is so nice to figure out what the heck is wrong with me!  For a while I was wondering if I was going crazy or if I was just being a big baby.  He said that it's defiantly not in my head and the pain is very real and although he can't say from personal experience but the patients he treats with just one baby and only one surgery complain of a lot of pain, so my situation is very painful.  I also kept my follow up appointment with my old OB Julie today.  They took my blood pressure and it was very high so they took it on my other arm and it was just as high.  So I have to do some unpleasant test and have it checked next Tuesday.  If it is still high I will have to go on bed rest.  To be honest I feel that work is contributing to the high blood pressure.  Some very upsetting things have happened and although some have been resolved it still is weighing on me so much that I really didn't sleep last night.  The past few days have been one big emotional roller coaster and I am praying that things will all work out.  So somethings are still unanswered but at least I know I am not going crazy and the pain isn't round ligament pain like the dumb midwives were trying to convince me of.  I hope to have some more answers next week.

Hoping to get some answers this week!

Tomorrow I see my new OB and I am really hoping we can figure out what to do about my situation.  This past Wednesday I was in some pain like usual and when I got to work I had started spotting.  So I called my doctor and the midwife told me to go home and if the spotting got worse call and she was the on call for that night.  She asked about the pain and I let her know that I always have pain no matter what I am doing now even sitting but there are stages and different levels of how painful it gets.  If I am not doing much or start to get more pain and I am able to stop what I am doing and put my feet up and stay that way it won't get worse.  If I can do that it just goes from bad to worse.  She tells me its probably just round ligament pain.  I am know what that feels like and its not it!!!!!! Also round ligament pain doesn't last all the time it goes away and mainly happens when you are changing positions.  So that just really made me angry!!  I have already had issues with the midwives in this practice and this was the icing on the cake.  By 9pm Wednesday night I was in so much pain and had a hard time walking.  The pain then moved to my back so I just went to bed because I didn't want to call her again because I knew she would make me even more angry!
Every day at work I leave in pain.  Alot of the time I work longer than the 4 hours I am suppose to work and all the up and down really contributes to the pain.  I know its hard for work to accommodate the 4 hour shift because you never know how many customers will be in the store and how long each transaction takes.  I know my managers are frustrated at the schedule and  I am very frustrated with all of this but my main priority is not work its making sure I carry these babies as long as possible and hopefully not killing myself trying.  I really hope my new OB can help me and maybe figure out what is going on!  I am hoping if we can figure out what is causing the pain we might be able to avoid it.  I also want to be able to control what I do.  If I start to feel more pain I would like to be able to stop what I am doing and rest because I feel that its my body telling me to rest and slow down.
I knew that a twin pregnancy was high risk and there are more complications that go along with it but I didn't expect what has been happening and I hate feeling so useless.  I hate not being able to get things done.  However everyday I am just so thankful I am still carrying 2 healthy babies and this is a small time in my life and when I am holding them in my arms it will all be worth it!

Up in the Air!

I feel like my whole life is up in the air right now, at a time when I want stability the most!  I grew up very in a christian household and went to a christian school.  The christian school was really strict and a little cult like.  I am happy for the sacrifices my parents made to send us to a private christian school but that school did a number on me in regards to religion.  However looking back I have come to realize it kept me out of trouble in the early teen years so I am thankful for that.  The reason I bring this up is as soon as I was out of that school I strayed away from the beliefs of my church, not the school, and have had a hard time going to church.  Since starting IVF I have started to go back to my religious roots more and more.  No I am not quite ready to go to church but I have been praying a lot more and trying to retain myself not to worry so much and pray about situations and know that everything will work out the way it should.  Well the past couple of weeks have been a test and a half and at times I am failing!  At this point I have no idea where we will be when these babies are born!  I LOVE our house but we need to sell it so I can stay home.  I have to keep thinking that it doesn't matter where we live as long as I have my wonderful husband and healthy babies I won't care if we live in a place that is not as nice.  We have a few options and some happen to be out of state which also stresses me out.  On top of all that stress I had to go to the ER on monday because I was in a lot of pain and showed signs of very early preterm labor.  They said that my body is telling me to slow down and if I don't I will go into labor early!  So they have me only working 4 hours a day.  Yesterday I did my first 4 hour shift and I still left in pain!  I think it is the constant up and down that my job requires.  So I am not sure if they are going to take me out of work completely.    So another up in the air right now!  I just need to remember as long as I am taking care of these babies and making sure they stay in until at least 35 weeks then what ever happens will happen.  It doesn't keep me from worrying about everything!  I just wish I had a crystal ball to see December!  I just keep hanging on to the fact that every week I make it is a success and I am very thankful for these babies!  I am really hoping all of a sudden everything just works out and becomes clear so I can prepare for the twins! I feel like nesting towards the end is a right of passage and I want to be able to experience that!  Looking back at the pregnancy so far it is nothing like I expected!  Don't get me wrong I LOVE being pregnant and I am so thankful for this but I envisioned once I hit the second trimester I would feel great and have that pregnancy glow.  I guess I envisioned a text book perfect pregnancy!  After talking to other IVF patients turned OB patients I realize we are a different breed of pregnant patients!  We like to know everything that is going on.  We are so in tune with our bodies that when we feel things unexpected we call the doctor when sometimes we don't need to.  We are also use to having our hand held at a fertility clinic and being kept in the loop during our care that we kind of need that in an OB clinic.  The transition from infertility patient to pregnant patient is harder than I anticipated.  I am still plagued by fear that something might go wrong and we will be back to square one.    I promised myself once I hit the second trimester I would relax a little....boy was I wrong!  Infertility patients  have more at stake in a pregnancy and that causes anxiety especially when things go wrong.  A minor bump in the road can feel like a disaster because our bodies have failed us time after time that it is almost expected that it can happen during pregnancy.  Every week I just thank my body for not failing and pray it continues to do what it is suppose to do.  So all I can do is pray and take care of myself and these precious gifts as best I can and hope everything else becomes clear!

1/2 the piece of the puzzle!

Today started out like most days...crampy!  Then the cramps turned into pain so I called my doctor and they wanted me to go see them.  I was working in Tilton so it would have taken me an hour and a half to get down to Dover so they had me go to the nearest ER to rule out preterm labor!  Thank God it wasn't preterm labor.  I just really overstressed my uterus due to a rough day at work yesterday.  I didn't expect and ultrasound so when they said I would be getting one I was happy!  I am slightly addicted to ultrasounds!  Any chance to see the babies is exciting!  When we started the ultrasonographer said she knew what gender Baby A was but Baby B was not a cooperative!  We tried everything to get him/her to move....nothing!  So I have half the puzzle solved.

 

BABY B

BABY A!!!!!! This is a greeting card but I feel it fits my little diva...This link brings you to the card and you can scroll over the words to actually read them  http://www.arcadianyc.com/product.php?productid=20040&cat=1235&page=1