Another Great Doctors Appointment!

Tuesday Nate and went to see Dr. Hill for our consult before my IVF cycle begins.  I need to restate how much I love that clinic.  Everyone is soo friendly and helpful!  I will also be buying a copy of January 2011 issue of Cosmo magazine because Dr. Hill is being featured in it!!!!!  We sat down with Dr. Hill and went over how the next few weeks look.  I can't believe how close we are to this dream.  He is so positive and makes me feel like I can do this! I really do feel like we will only need one try.   We also sat down with my nurse Jessica to talk about the medications.  They even order everything.  Once I receive all the injections I can see her to go over everything and also label what I need to do.  She wanted to make sure this was as easy as possible for me.  She gave me a site to review in preparation for the injections.  I thought I was prepared for them but seeing the size of the needles really made me nervous!!  Some are not bad at all but some are HUGE!  I know i will do what I need to do but it is very intimidating.  So my cycle is suppose to start January 16th.  That when I start the "prep" work.  I start birth control.  Dr. Hill told me that one of the biggest reason to start with birth control is it reduced the risk of a miscarriage  by 5%.  That fact was really interesting to me.  Honestly I can't remember why he said it did but he is defiantly the expert.  If everything is on time I then start the injections on February 1st.  I just can't wait!!!
So the waiting game for the next few weeks is going to be tough.  I have some plans to keep me busy.  Tomorrow night -New Years I am going to a formal dinner and dancing with my wonderful husband and our good friend Helen, Jason, Sarah and my awesome cousin Nicole and her husband Joe!! Picture to come on that.  The next week I am staying in Portland, ME for the whole week to help out there stores.  I love going to other stores it make me feel refreshed and put me back on my A game.  I also LOVE Maine.  After that it leaves me with one week and I am hoping to get my medication that week so I can see Jessica to go over everything.  I have never want that time of the month to come soooo quickly.  Once I start the injections I am sure I will have a ton to blog about .  I hope everyone has a great and safe New years!!!

Wordless Wednesday: Here is hoping that I could use this bib in 2011!!!

What a great christmas!!

Nate and I had a great christmas.  My nephew Tyler was in town from Pennsylvania.  I took a short video of him coloring to try out imovie.  I LOVE imovie it is so much fun to play with.  the background music is our Uncle Ken from his classic Ice Cream Soup available on itunes.  Keep in mind this is the first movie I made so I isn't the best.  I hope to take lots more videos and learn more about imovie.

Tyler Kenneth

Wordless Wednesday

A WOW Christmas

                                                         In honor of my husband the gamer

Christmas Crazy!

I can't believe its only 3 days until Christmas!  I really hope this is my last year childless!  I keep thinking next year we will go all out with christmas cards, Santa, the works.  At least I hope thats what happens.
Anyway, the bad thing about this year is I finally caught the cold going around.  I did my best to avoid getting sick but apparently it didn't work.  Nate got the flu shot this year.  The doctor told him I should as well especially with the upcoming cycle.   I don't know how I feel about the flu shot.  I know they mixed it with the h1m1 and that scares me a little.  I always wonder if those medications can do more harm in the long run than good.  Then that makes me think of vaccines in newborns.  Which one do you need as soon as their born and which ones can wait until they are older?  I know it is a little early to be thinking of this but I feel like the more prepared I am the better.  Plus it gives me something to do while I wait until everything starts.

Wordless Wednesday

The calm before the Storm

              
                        I loved this idea from a fellow IVF blogger.... A picture of whats on my mind

A very sad date!

Three years ago I received some the worst news anyone could get.  My father had passed away unexpectedly.   I remember exactly where I was when I heard the news.  I remember the day like it was yesterday. It is hard to believe it has been 3 years already!  I can still clearly hear his robust laugh. I can still  remember how he answered the phone when I called "Hey Ems!"  Sometimes when I am driving home from work I pick up the phone to call him just to catch up. I always seemed to have that ritual...calling him on my long commute home.  I am scared that in time I will forget his laugh and forget his voice.
A friend of mine just recently lost his mom and I so remember the feelings and emotions you get on a daily basis when it is still fresh.  I feel so bad for him because sometimes it consumes your mind.  Time really does heal and it does get better, but there are still sad moments and memories that will pop out of nowhere.

                                                                      I miss you dad

Great Movies I have seen lately

I normally wouldn't think to blog about the movie I like but I just saw a movie that I felt was worth blogging about.....Inception!  Wow, what a movie!!  I sat and stared at the t.v after it was over and tried to comprehend the movie!  I haven't seen a movie like that in awhile.  I then decided to make it a great movie day since the weather is really yucky today.  There are a lot of movies I really enjoy but a few stick out in my mind.  The Hangover is the next movie on the list for my movie day.  I think that movie is one of the funniest I have seen this year!  Its right up there with my favorites like Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The Wedding Crashers and Old School.  I also love the Twilight Saga (although I like the books better up to this point).  Eclipse was another great movie for me this year.  I haven't been to the theater in a long time because I am petrified of the bed bug epidemic, so there were a lot of movies this year released that I am waiting to see. So to be fair to those movies I really can't rate the movies of this year.  So for 2009 I really enjoyed Sherlock Holmes, Up on the Air, The Hurt Locker, obviously The Hangover,  and Avatar.  As far as 2010's list that will come when I have seen the movies on my list for this year.  However I do feel at the top of the list will still be Inception.  I am not sure of any movie that will pass it, but you never know!

The bachelorette Party that finally happened!

Tonight I got together with a great group of girls.  A lot of us girls never actually got a bachelorette party so we decided just because we are married and some of us that are not doesn't mean we cant have a great girls night out.  I have always wanted to make wine and Vintners Cellar in Concord lets you do a wine tasting and then make a batch of wine.  We also get to make our own labels!  First we went to Your Fired and painted pottery.  It was so relaxing and fun.  The staff was super nice and made us hot chocolate and tea!  We didn't have much time before we had to be at the winery so we just grabbed a pizza.  Then we got to taste great wine.  We decided to make Green Apple Riesling.  I haven't decide what my label will be yet.  The only problem is we only have a 2 day window if we want to watch our wine be bottled and I think that the timing will be a problem for me since I will hopefully be "ovary" deep into the IVF process.  Regardless, we had a great night and hope to do this every couple of months!  I am sooo thankful to have such a great group of friend and night like this remind me of how lucky I am.  Everyone that came tonight means a lot to me and I value their friendship!

Christmas is around the corner!

Wow I can't believe it is almost Christmas! I feel like there is so much to do.  I have a few Christmas parties which I am partly dreading.  I LOVE the holidays but dieting during this time of the year is VERY difficult!   Weight watchers has just revamped there program.  For the most part I knew what I could eat and the point value of the food but now I have no idea!  Customers have also brought me awesome gifts but a majority of them include great treats which really is hard to enjoy in moderation.  So I am hoping that I can make it through December and at least lose a little weight.
As of today I have about 45 days until I start IVF!  I am sooo excited and I just want to get started.  I wish I could have started some of the process this month but the timing didn't happen.  I just have to learn a little more patience.  It will be here soon and then I am sure it will fly by.

Thanksgiving

So I have had a very busy couple of weeks.  First my acupuncturist put me on a cleansing diet.  I couldn't eat for 3 days.  I just drank water and a lemon juice/maple syrup mixture.  That was really hard to do but I did it.  Then I could only eat fruits and vegetables for the next 20 days.  I have never craved carbs so much in my life!  Now I am back on weight watchers and it is going well.  I am not sure how Thursday will be so I am hoping for the best.
The only other issue lately is Nate has had a few freak outs.  He thinks we cant afford kids.  He did everything out on paper and freaked out.  My feeling is NO ONE can afford to have kids on paper.  You just do it and it all seems to work out.  He says he doesn't want to just get by.  I say it doesn't matter how we do it having kids is one of life greatest gifts and if everyone waited until they were ready and had enough money in their opinion NO ONE would have kids.  So after talking to his brother in law he realized what I was saying is right.  This is the one thing in life you just do and it will work out.  I am not saying we can't plan ahead but I also feel that if we waited until Nate felt ready we would be childless forever.  Also who knows how long his insurance will cover IVF.  They could change there policy and the coverage in 2012 and then we would be stuck with nothing!   So after presenting my argument and our awesome brother in laws wisdom (they have 3 kids) Nate has finally calmed down.  I forget that the male instinct is to provide and Nate is realizing that this is happing very soon.  I have to understand he needs to freak out every once in awhile because it is a big responsibility and I am sure for him it is scary. I would be lying if I said sometimes I freak out.  What if I am a bad mother and my kids end up being serial killers or screw up their lives.  What if my kids hate me or feel like they can never talk to me.  What if I screw up their lives.  All my life I have wanted to be a mom but what if I am just not good at it.  
 What if I can't keep them safe!  Every once in awhile I get scared.  Thats when I feel that if I just love them and doing everything in my power to help them grow and nurture them it will all work out!  A lot of our friends don't have a ton of money and their kids are some of the happiest I have ever seen!  So I am not sure how many freak outs will happen between now and January but I think it is part of the process.  I think when we look at our child for the first time we will instantly know we made the right choice.

It's been awhile!

Wow it has been a while since I blogged.  I have been soooo busy!  We went to a great wedding this past weekend and then went down to Salem.  We also were treated to a fabulous dinner on Sunday night by the Hanks! 
 Acupuncture is going well.  I need to get back to the gym but I was looking at my schedule and I don't have a lot of time.  Good news is November 1st is on a Monday, I feel like that is a sign to go back to the gym 1st day of the month on what I consider the first day of the week.   
I also just got a Mac Book Pro which I am in love with.  I still have no idea how to really use it but I am learning. I am considering moving the blog onto a site I can create on iweb but I am not sure if i know how to use that.  I think I need some lessons!!!  

Acupuncture!

So last week I had my first acupuncture appointment.  I LOVED it.  I slept great that night and felt relaxed for days after.  I am going back on Friday.  I also found out that I can pair acupuncture with losing weight as well and Adam the acupuncturist also specializes in that as well.  So hopefully Friday I will know more about that.  The only downside to acupuncture is the price.  Insurance doesn't cover it but if that is the majority of the out of pocket expenses for this whole experience that I should be thankful. 
The reason I am starting now is the follicles I am producing now will be the ones that will be mature during the actual IVF cycle.  Acupuncture helps make the best follicles so I start now and continue through until the end of the cycle which will be in Jan/Feb. 

Follow up appointment

Yesterday was our follow up appointment with Dr. Hill.  The good news is I am ready for IVF as far as my test are concerned.   The bad news is we can't start anything until January which means the egg retrieval will not happen until February.  I am disappointed a little just because January seems so far and as most of you know I am very IMPATIENT!    I need to stay positive and think that at least I have an option and insurance will cover it.  I just get nervous that something will change and we won't be able to start IVF. 
On a good note I get to start something I have wanted to start for a long time.....Acupuncture!!!!!!!!!  I am sooo excited!  The fertility clinic works with an acupuncture clinic in the same plaza.  they specialize in fertility acupuncture.  I met with Adam the acupuncturist yesterday.  he told me to start now because the follicles that are growing now will be the ones I was have when I start IVF.  It takes up to 5 months to grow follicles.  So next week I have my first appointment.  After that we will come up with a game plan to continue acupuncture right up until IVF.  I have a minimum of 20lbs still to lose.  So that's all for now.

More great news!

Yesterday was my surgical hysteroscopy. It was in Stratham, Nate and I left with 15 min to spare. We had to be up at 4:45 so it was hard to leave earlier. We started on our way and I put the address in to our garmin. It said no address found. Great, i thought I didnt bring the directions because I didn't think I needed them. I guess I rely to much on technologes. So i tried calling the clinic and of course at 5:20 am at this point no one was there. So i tried mapquest on Nates phone. I found the directions and we were on our way. We get to Stratum and clearly the mapquest directions were wrong, after driving around for 10 min. Nate and I were getting frustrated with the directions and each other. We finally got ahold of the clinic and found our way 10 min late. I learned a couple lessons yesterday. Always bring the paper directions even if you have a GPS!  Also leave 20-30 min early if you don't know where you are going. 
So I get ready for the surgery.   Nate finally gets to meet Dr. Hill!  He is one of the best doctors I have had or worked with.  He explains everything and makes sure you understand everything.  The surgery didn't take very long and i was waking up to alot of pain!!!  They gave me something for the pain which made me nauseous.  So they gave me something for that as well.  Dr. Hill had gone out and gave Nate  some pictures and explained everything look really good. I also had no polyps which is great.  I remember at my last ectopic surgery I had quite a few and that is not ideal for pregnancy.  So I was happy to hear that my uterus is clear and ready for babies!  I spent the rest of the day sleeping with my heating pad.  Today I still have my heating pad on and have alot of pain but it should get better as the day goes on. 

What A Week!

So this week so far has been really busy!  On Monday I had to be up early again for more tests.  They took more blood and I had the vaginal probe ultrasound.  It sounds way worse that in really was.  It actually was a very easy test.  I then went home from work early because I think I caught a stomach bug going around.  NOT FUN!  Then on Tuesday I felt better and was invited to go to York beach.  I spent Tuesday and Wednesday there.  What beautiful days!!! The ocean felt amazing and it was nice to take a mini vacation!  This morning I had to go back tot he clinic and Dr. Hill went over the actual IVF cycle and what my schedule would look like. So depending on my period I will start birth control (yes I know its weird, but they help control your cycle and produce good eggs) probably in mid December.  Then 19 days after my period starts I take Lupron every morning.  Lupron is an injection drug which means I get to play with some needles.  this is a great site to explain what lupron does exactly http://www.ivf1.com/ivf-lupron/.  Then when my January period starts I lower my lupron dose and start FSH (Gonad-f) injection at night which is a ovulation stimulating hormone. I also have more blood work and an ultrasound on day one. On day 5 of my period I have more blood.  I still take lupron and FSH and I also add another injection of HGM called Menopor which helps develop multiple eggs.  Then when my follicles hit 18 mm Nate has to give my a big injection to "trigger" ovulation.  Then exactly 36 hours later I go to Reading, MA where the egg harvest happens.  I then call back the next day to see how many eggs have had a successful fertilization.  A few days later they will implant up to 2 eggs.  Then I have to wait 12 days before I have my first blood pregnancy test. From there if it is positive i go back every couple of days for blood and ultrasound.  So that is the basics in a nut shell.  If all goes well I would be due in late October I think.  Next week is my hystroscopy so I am sure I will have more to blog about that.

How much blood can they take?

So this morning and I mean MORNING, I went in for my first set of tests.  I think today was the easiest out of all the test that are coming up.  I had to be up by 5:30am to get to Portmouth by 7.  It was cold, dark and rainy and I just wanted to crawl back into bed. I wont be able to do that when we finally become parents so I should start getting used to it. I also was told I couldn't eat or drink at all.  No coffee at that time of the morning!  Its going to be along couple of hours!  I got to the clinic by 7 and walked into about 10 other woman waiting for various tests.  Sometimes I feel so alone in this journey and I forget many other woman are in the same infertility boat.  While I sat and waited for my turn I looked around and wonder what each woman was there for.  It also dawned on me that I should consider myself lucky.  I know what needs to be done to have a baby, many of these woman might not know.  They start with timed intercourse and then on to fertility drug then IUI and if all else fails they turn to the big gun...IVF.  Every moth that goes by they think "this is it, this is the month I will get pregnant".  With each failing month there positivity and energy dies. By the time they get to IVF they have probably have given up the hope and perseverance.  I am lucky I can skip all the extra tests and questions.  Next time I am wallowing in self pity when another friend announces there pregnancy I need to remember that I have it some what lucky.  Iam also lucky to even have an option.  Forty years ago I wouldn't have had IVF. 
So they finally call my name and i go into the room and all I see is vials and think that can't all be for me.  I sit down and the nurse says "we have alot of blood to take" and then giggles.  Some people have a sick sense of humor.  And then it begins...vial after vial fills and I feel light headed and sick.  Good thing I remembered OJ.  I was going to need it after this vampire nurse was done with me.  After she took what felt like every last ounce of blood she then said "at least you are not here for the vaginal probe ultrasound"giggling again.  I looked at her and said "nope, thats next week". 
So next week I get to have more blood drawn and a vaginal probe ultrasound.  I don't really think that will be a picnic, but thats when I have to be thankful for the "hopeful" outcome!

Any day now

Well any day now I should be starting my next round of tests.  I am happy that I have such a flexible job because it is hard to plan these test early.  I am also considering getting my realtors licence.  I think the schedule would work well with kids. I know it is a feast or famine type of job but I would probably stay part time at US Cellular.  I would like to have everything worked out so it will be less stress when I am actually going through IVF and pregnant.

One test down! Alot to go!

So only one of our test have come back so far.  I got the word today that my pap was normal.  It is horrible to say but I haven't had one since 2006 because of all the bad experiences from that year.  I know it is no excuse, but it is the truth.  I was scared maybe they would find an abnormality or something worse.  So I am happy that the easiest test is starting off right.  I still haven't heard about Nate's test yet.  I don't think it will come back abnormal.  I am a little scared about the hysteroscopy that will be done in a few weeks.  I remember that I has a few polyps but I don't remember where they were located.  Polyps can cause issues with pregnancy.  I really hope that test goes well.

Monday

So today I start back on Weight Watchers.  I really did well from January to the beginning of May.  Then the start of summer and I lost track.  Now I have an end goal with a timeline so I am hoping that I can lose at least 30lbs before January.  I really wish the holidays were not right before January but I will make due.  Nate is going to do it with me and I hope he can stay on until December at the latest.  He always seems to get me to eat bad things.  I need more self control.  People think it is funny that iam trying to lose weight just to put it back on.  I have found by talking to alot of woman that are pregnant that you don't have to gain as much as you think.  If you eat right and make smart choices than you can come out of a pregnancy fairly easy.  I am not sure how true that is but I have my hopes high!  So all of you that I see on a fairly regular basis....keep me accountable!

What a day!

It's only noon and already it has been a long day.  I got to work on this nice Saturday to find all the computers are down.  We can still access the Internet but anything we need to do for customers is not working.  They don't know when it will be back up so we have to just help customers the best we can.
 I also have alot of homework and I am trying to find time to finish it all.  I am also a little sad I haven't been able to see the Twilight Eclipse movie.  I have just been so busy!  I hope I can see it before it leaves the theaters!  Well going to go see if we are up and running.

Still Great News!

So Nate called his insurance and ....... they confirmed that 6 cycles are covered!!!  I am still scared things could go wrong like they say it is a preexisting condition or they change the benefits soon or the test come back bad.  I feel like I did when where were buying a house.  We would jump one hurdle and another would pop up.  I need to keep my stress down and just stay positive.   I have never been excited to get my period but this month I can't wait so I can get the rest of the test out of the way.  I also had found a blog about a woman that did IVF and is due in October.  She used the same doctor and had nothing but great things to say about him.  I am so happy that I found this great clinic.  I wounder if all the clinics would have double checked Nate's insurance.  I said just last week that whatever between IVF or adoption seemed to open the doors I would go that way.  I feel that IVF blew the door wide open so far and I just can't wait to be pregnant and experience the ups and downs!!!

Great News!

So this morning I got a call from Jessica, our nurse.  She had called Nate's insurance company to get his coverage for the semen analysis.  She also checked to see if he had any additional coverage (part of the reason I love this clinic, they take care of everything).  She called me to let me know that Nate's insurance covers 6 CYCLES of IVF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  When I called Nate didn't have an ID number yet so they just generalize the coverage and they told me it wasn't covered.  So hopefully all goes well and I will be on Nate's insurance January 1st.  I am trying not to get my hopes up too much until we have it in writing. 
So this morning Nate went to have his test and I went and had some test done with Dover Woman's Health.  I met one of the doctors that will hopefully be my OB doctor.  They also have midwives which I have always liked.  I really liked the clinic, the doctor was awesome and made me feel immediately comfortable. 
My next test will start in about 3 weeks depending on my cycle.  So for now I am thinking positive about all this.  If all does well I hope to be pregnant at the beginning of next year!

The start of our Journey to parenthood

So I said as soon as we started IVF or adoption I would start blogging to keep everyone in the loop of this crazy time.  The day has come!  Today was my consultation at the Fertility Centers of New England.  I met with Dr. Hill.  I walked into the clinic and all over the walls were awards that Dr. Hill has received.  That's is always a good sign.  The staff made me feel really comfortable.  The best part of the practice is you see only Dr. Hill and you also only see one nurse.  The only time I might see a different doctor would be during the egg retrieval but other than that I know my care team.  So I got to meet Jessica, my nurse as well.  They are so helpful and friendly there.  So the best part of the consultation was my chances.  We have a few test that we need to do.  I also need to lose about 25 more pounds.  With the test coming back good and me losing the 25 lbs, I have about a 50% chance.  With acupuncture it will boost me to almost 70%!  Normal couples doing it the "fun" way only have a 20% chance in one month.  Dr. Hill said that if everything comes back as good as he feels we can  get pregnant and carry to full term in one shot!!!!  The past week Nate and I have really considered adoption and we are not ruling it out yet, but I am excited to possibly carry a child that Nate and I made.  So the next couple weeks I will be having ALOT of tests but the good news is those are all covered by my insurance.  The clinic already called and got everything in order.  Tomorrow Nate has a "fun" test and I have a not so fun one.  I will post more on those test tomorrow.