Wednesday, December 21, 2011

A dream can put your life in perspective!

For the past week and a half in the evenings and sometimes through the night, evil babies take over my sweet princesses!  The girls turn into crazed children that cry with such an ear piercing wails that could wake the dead!   This can go on for hours.  Sometimes getting them calmed down takes moving heaven and earth.  Other times they just want me to hold them.  The doctor says they are over tired and are overstimulated.  She took Aria yesterday and tried to show us a technique that was fail proof and would have her asleep in 10 seconds.  Aria proved her technique wrong!  The doctor after 10 minutes just stared at Aria in awe and said this was the first kid to fight sleep so hard.  At least my girl didn't make a liar out of me.  She finally fell asleep and the doctor looked at Nate and I with compassion and I think a little pity and wanted to make an appointment in 2 weeks to see how this cranky/sleep issue was going.  She gave us some ideas which we tried yesterday.  Our reward......the worst night EVER!  I usually go to sleep around 10pm and Nate has baby watch until 1am since he is a night owl.  At 11:30 he stormed into the bedroom and says he can't take it anymore.  They both had been screaming since 10:30.  They screamed the WHOLE night!  We took turns relieving each other because we both were at our whits end! I finally brought them out to the living room around 7am and Nate woke up at 9am so I could take a nap.  I feel asleep sooo fast.  I also had a dream.  When I need sleep my dreams get very realistic! In my dream I was pregnant with the girls still and got a call from my doctor that the girls were not going to make it!  It felt so real.  The emotions I had in my dream were such raw sadness and hopelessness. I couldn't stop crying in the dream.  I startled myself and woke up in a cold sweat and sitting straight up in bed.  In that minute I realized as hard as this is, what if that had happened!  It made me take a good look at my situation.  This is by far the hardest time I have ever had but they make it worth it.  I wouldn't trade them for 2 of the non crankiest babies on the planet.  I don't think I have ever taken my girls for granted but last night was a very hard night and I think I just needed a reminder of how lucky I have it.  I am sure there will be other nights it will be bad and I just need to remember it could be a lot worse.  I could be getting 8-10 hours of sleep a night but not have the joy my girls bring me.  

Saturday, December 17, 2011

The twin conspiracy!!

Being only 2 weeks old I never thought my girls would start to conspire against me until way later in life but that must have been wishful thinking!  I also thought the way they slept for the first 5 days would be all I was in for.  they would eat every 3 hours and then sleep soundly until the next feeding.  I thought to myself this wasn't that hard! Boy was I dumb and a new mom!  So some examples of the great twin conspiracy.  Lately only at night Olivia has been very cranky in between feedings which leaves me with about a total of 2 hours of sleep from 10pm-10am.  She doesn't want to wait 3 hours before her next meal she wants it every 2 or 2and half hours.  Aria on those night would sleep very soundly and I would have to wake her up to eat.  well the past 2 nights Olivia apparently had enough of this and wanted a good night sleep so Aria decided it was her turn to eat every 2 hours and cry in between feedings while her sister slept nice and cozy for the first time in days!  Occasionally they would throw me a curve ball and they would both cry.  I am convinced they wanted to see who would get tended to first! I wish they could go back to sleeping in between feedings!  Oh and I forgot to mention as soon as 2am hits until at least 9am my husband turns into a zombie and can't function!  He is completely useless to me so I am on my own for most of the night feedings and after feeding and changing 2 babies I then have to pump their next meal.  It usually takes me an hour to an hour and a half.  Although last night I got it down to 40 minutes by feeding both babies and pumping at the same time.  My multitasking skills should be in the Olympics!  Another example of their conspiracy is they will spit out their pacifiers every couple of minutes.  Yes we use pacifiers!  You can tell me all the bad tings about them but we are in survival mode in this house and that includes pacifiers.  Anyway, they don't spit them out together because that wouldn't be fun.  One will spit it out and cry so I will get up or stop what I am trying to get done to pop it back in their mouths.  Then I will go back to the endless laundry or cleaning bottles and the other one will do it.  They time it perfectly.  If I sit and watch them they magically can keep their pacifiers in until I get up.  I am scared to see what they do when they really can communicate with each other!  As frustrating as the nights and pacifier game can become I still look at my beautiful girls and think it is still worth it!  They are still my pride and joy.  I can't wait to see their personalities as they grow. 

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

What a week!

It has been a very tiring week and to top it off there is something wrong with my Mac Book Pro!  It of course started while I was in the hospital and I have been with out it now for a week so I can't download new pictures and update this blog.  My i pad isn't the greatest at typing and just frustrates me. So I am updating on my husbands computer.
As for my girls, they are doing well and growing! It makes me sad to see how fast they are growing.  I am trying to treasure every moment but with two it is hard!  I always feel like I am giving the crankiest one most of my attention.  Lately it has been Olivia.  I am not sure if she is gassy or just going through a phase.  I feel like I am not giving Aria enough attention and it breaks my heart.  Plus most of my free time is spent cleaning and sleeping.   Some days I feel like I am sleeping this precious time with them away.  With every crazy day that goes by I love them more and more!
As for the crazy moods and hormones after pregnancy that gets better every day as well!  For the first few days home I HATED the ups and downs and the weird feelings.  I did get a little worried about PPD but I feel as though I am almost on the other side of the emotions.  I am thankful for that because I didn't want to be medicated.  I have been on that stuff before and it makes me really drowsy. Trust me though I would take it if I needed to.
Breastfeeding is non existent and I have come to terms with it.  I do pump after every feeding so they are getting strictly breast milk.  That was a source of severe anxiety and stress.  After I decided to strictly pump I then felt guilty and defeated that i couldn't cut it. Those thoughts have passed and it is nice that others can help with feedings and they are still getting only breast milk.
The biggest thing I learned this week is having twins is hard!!  When I look at their beautiful faces I wouldn't trade it for the world!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Oh my gosh I am a MOM!!!!!

On Thursday December 1st all my dreams came true!  My girls are finally here! I went to my doctors appointment on Wednesday and again my blood pressure was up.  So my doctor decided to induce me because of my blood pressure.  I thought he would make me do a C-Section but because the girls heart rates were great and always have been he said we could try an induction.  He did say he would call a section if at any point even the slightest thing look weird during labor so I was prepared that I had a 50/50 chance of a vaginal delivery.  So I called Nate and went to the hospital.  He broke Aria's water at noon and started pitocin.  I was having uncomfortable contractions for the first hour and half and then they turned up the pitocin which causes your uterus to contract a little harder that a natural labor.  I am a huge baby and have no pain thresh hold so the next half hour was the worst pain I have ever felt!  So I thought I am no hero and if drugs are available then why not! I got an epidural and it was AMAZING!  From 2pm to midnight I stayed at 4cm and in the back of my head I thought it would end in a section.  He came and checked me at around 2am and tried to fool me and act like I hadn't progressed.  He has a great sense of humor.  He said what a normal progression should be with a face that said you haven't progressed.  So I asked if he was going to do a section a little disappointed.  Then he said " well you are at 9 and a half".  Nate was resting at this point and shoot up out of the couch and freaked out!  It was very humorous.  So he told me to rest and in a little bit we would start pushing!  By the way I was in no pain the whole time!  I did start feeling pressure which was my cue when I started pushing.  SO at 4:21am Miss Aria Ann entered the would! At little TMI... the doctor said put your hands down and pull your baby out!  So I got to pull Aria out.  It was amazing! 
Then things took a little scary turn at that point and Olivia started to show signs of distress so I had to have oxygen and had to get he out fast.  My doctor said if I didn't get her out in the next push then we would have to use the vacuum to get her out.  I have never pushed so hard in my life and got her out with out the vacuum! She was born at 4:36 am. They rushed her over to the stablette and  I couldn't really see what was going on.  I tried to take of the oxygen mask and move to see her but my doctor yelled at me to put it back on and push my epidural button.  He looked concerned while treating me so I got really scared.  I had a child surrounded by 2 doctors and a few nurses and now something was going on with me.  My doctor and nurse were push on my stomach so hard and it was way worse than labor!  Apparently I had a (TMI alert) bleeding and clotting issue and it they needed to do some interesting things to resolve it. I panicked and started crying.  They had to take Olivia to the special care nursery due to not transition from womb to oxygen well so she had some breathing issues.   Worst 2 hours ever.  I couldn't even hold Aria for the first hour because of my issues.  In the end everything was fine and I got a vaginal delivery!  I am having a great recovery!  I feel awesome as physically.  Mentally the hormones are driving me crazy but nothing I can't handle. 
Aria was 6lbs 5ounces and 20 inches long.  Olivia was 5lbs 3ounces and 18 inches long.  They are the most amazing and beautiful babies I have ever seen (obviously I am quite partial)!!! Well time for feedings!

Olivia Jean

Some of the doctors and nurses in room...more came

Aria Ann