15 to go!

So I jumped on the scale as I do every Monday.  Yes, I have figured out a way to make Mondays even worse than they already are.  I was pleasantly surprised to see I had a great week.  I am only 15 lbs from my IVF goal weight!!! I have until mid March to lose it by! I even had 2 girls nights at the Olive Garden this past week!  Trust me 2 Olive Garden nights was very difficult!  No breadsticks was the worst! I made sure I saved points for the house red thought!  They actually had a few choices that worked well for Weight Watchers and they defiantly had choices that DID NOT!  One of their meals had almost 2000 calories!  I found the Capillini de Mare, a seafood pasta dish was only 12 points and the minestrone soup only had 2 points.   So I still was able to have pasta and it tasted delicious!  So incase anyone else is on Weight Watchers trust me you can still go out to eat and make it doable!

Box of Fun!

I received all my medications a couple of days ago.  After looking at all the needles I hide the box until today.  The reality of what will be happening is coming closer and closer.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared.  Those needles look HUGE to me and I get nauseous just thinking about it.  When I imagined this experience I knew needles would be involved but I always skipped forward to the happy ending that I hope will happen.  So to see all the medications in person brought me to reality.  It is about 12 days before I start birth control and then 19 days later I start injections.  The first week to week and a half the needles are small and I can do them myself so I at least get to work up to the big needles.  So As for now I am still trying to come up with ideas for relaxing, stress free things to do during my 2 week wait. Any ideas let me know!!

The size of the BIG needles!!!!!

Most of my medications, some need to be refrigerated so I didn't include those in this photo

Wordless Wednesday: I miss summer

Good News/Bad News!

So I will start with the bad news.  The right side of my upper jaw has been hurting for a few days.  I work right next door to my dentist so yesterday I went in to see what was up.  They took x rays and then checked my teeth.  I really wasn't prepared for what came next.  I need a root canal and a crown!  I take care of my teeth!  Some people I know don't take very good care of their teeth and smoke and they have never even had a cavity!  I have dental insurance and it will still cost me over $1000.00.  They told me I need to do it before I get pregnant because you are more susceptible to gum issues when you are pregnant. So now I need to figure out what to do about this issue.
Now for the good news.... my fertility pharmacy called me a few days ago to set up my medications that I will be taking for IVF.  The total cost would be 2496.98.  So we submitted the meds to my insurance to see what they would cover if any of them.  Yesterday the pharmacy called me and said I owe 125.00!!!! So insurance covered all the medications!!!!!  I just had to pay my copays!  So worst case scenario if I have a good eggs to freeze on this cycle and god forbid it doesn't work then my next cycle will only cost 3500.00!  So I might have at least 2 tries.  I REALLY hope I only need one try!

Wordless Wednesday: Need I Say More

Movie Day

The snow has made for another great movie day!  Most of you that know me know I am a sucker for dance shows and movies.  Not so much Dancing with the Stars but more So You Think You Can Dance.  I love all types of dance.   The only ballroom I really like is the latin style, but I LOVE contemporary, hip hop, crumping ect..  So I watched "Step Up 3".  Horrible and predictable story line but AMAZING dancing!!! The video below is part of the movie.  His name is Madd Chadd and the things he can do are amazing!  I you tube more videos of him and he is unreal!  I thought all the dancers were amazing.  I am a huge fan of a dancer named Twitch.  He competed on So You Think You Can Dance.  He did a great job in the movie as well.  I also watched "The Social Network".  That was also really good.  I felt Justin Timberlake did a great job.  So one great all around movie and one with great dancing....not a bad movie day.

P.S here is the link in case the movie below looks weird     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VTW1iUn3Bg

STEP UP 3D: Robot Rock

I learned ALOT today!

Wow after 5 and a half LOOONG hours I finally figured out how to customize my blog with the new template!  I was finally able to access the video that showed me hoe to put my pics in the header. The video made it look sooooo easy!  Haha not for me.  So I had to figure out how to get the pictures in myself.  Then I had to change codes in my blog!  I don't even know what a code is! So now that it is done I am not sure I like how the pictures look.  The sample all had the same background which look cleaner.  Maybe another snow day I will switch the pictures with more similar colors and backgrounds.  For now I am going to try to make my custom wine label for the wine we made in December.

Back with the Old

So I had to change my template back to the original because I can't figure out how to customize it and the video tutorial on the website I got them from isn't working.  Hopefully someone will get back to at some point to help me.  Anyway, so I have a new insurance story.  They sent me a letter saying they denied my IVF claim because they never covered it.  The made sure to mention they covered IUI.  To me that was a little dig but I tend to take things personal.  After stating they cover IUI the letter also stated they cover 4 months of infertility drugs.  So I am not getting my hopes up when I call Harvard Pilgrim to see if that means ALL infertility drugs.  The woman on the other end of the phone says yes they cover a majority of they drugs.  I tell her I want the list in writing.  She emails me the list and almost all of my drugs are on it.  So if this does work out I will save over 2000$ if they do cover it.  So I am really hoping I didn't switch to Nate's insurance for nothing!  So thats about all that is new at this point, besides me being back on Weight Watchers.  This time I am soooo strict.  I am measuring everything!  I started back up on Tuesday and have lost 4lbs.  I hope to keep a good momentum.

Let's try this again!

So after a lot of research and a lot of talking it out Nate and I decided to do a cycle in March!  We decided to use his 401k that he didn't roll over from his previous job.  It was meant to be used for our future but to us this is part of our future.  He called today to make sure we could withdrawal the money so that is taken care of.  Now its up to me to make sure I am in the best shape possible.  I have until March 1st to get down 25 lbs (I gained a lot last week drowning my sorrows).  I have done it before so I know I can do it again.  So we start the prep when my February cycle hits!  I am really nervous about it not working but Nate and Dr. Hill really think I have a great chance on the first try.

Wordless Wednesday

Under Construction

I really wanted to do something fun with my blog so I found a great site called premades for a purpose.  It has great templets and the proceeds are helping them raise money for there adoption.  The problem is I have no idea what I am doing so I am waiting to hear back on how to change the photos....obviously the adorable little girl in the header isn't ours.  So bare with me while I transform my blog.

Game Over!

I have tried to write this update all night.  No words came.  Every time I tried to start writing a fresh set of tears came.  How did God get me sooo close and then have it come crashing down 11 DAYS before I started my cycle.  11!  I have had a countdown going when it was over 100 days and to get down to 11 and then oops sorry you can't do this!  So what happened....well the insurance coordinator for the clinic called and said they denied my claim because it was never coved by my insurance!  That made no sense to me since my nurse Jessica called the insurance company back in August and they said it was covered.  Then a few days later Nate called and they said it was covered.  Nate also called today and they said it was covered and my claim was still pending.  I called and they said no it wasn't covered and to check my handbook to see if it was an exclusion.  Nate went home and check the book and it did say ART (advanced reproductive technologies) were excluded.  I never thought to look at the book because we had double check the coverage with a real human.  I don't understand how we all can be told one thing and then opps sorry we just ripped you dream away.  Its not like they made a small mistake once they made a HUGE one a few times!!   Insurance doesn't care about customer service or even people. Its a bunch of bureaucrat  doctors that couldn't cut it as real doctors because they we incompetent.  So where does that leave me?? I have no idea.  I have become a little more desperate because the last 6 months I have envisioned myself pregnant and having a child.  I am looking into every monetary option I can so we can do the self pay option.  If we do the self pay I NEED to make sure I have the best chance possible.  That means I need to lose a minimum of 20lbs.  So I am hoping that we can figure out a way because I am not prepared to let this go.  I have come to close and worked to hard.  I am not prepared to accept adoption at this point.   Maybe later I will be ok with it again but not now.  I just can't understand in this moment how this could happen.  I am a good person, Nate is a great person.  We don't live off of the state,  we have a great place to have kids, we love each other and would love our children unconditionally.  We would do everything in our power to raise great kids. I just can't understand why ALOT of people that have kids don't deserve them.  How is this ok?  Why does this have to be so hard for me.  Something that is such a natural transition.  Every where I went today there were a ton of pregnant people some that deserve it like that great woman I worked with today and some that didn't (a woman who has a son around 4 that was walking around with a binky and a mountain dew complaining about her state assistance or the woman I worked with yesterday that had 5 kids that she doesn't have custody of and had no problem telling me that).  So that is where I am at right now...upset, sad, bitter and down right pissed!  I just hope a  months from now I can look back on today while very pregnant and say thank god it wasn't game over!

One Step Closer

The anesthesiologist finally called me today.  I explained the situation and he was so understanding.  He said what do I write and where do I fax it!!!  He had just put me under in September for my hysteroscopy so he knew I was fine with anesthesia.  I then faxed it to Jessica and she resubmitted it.  I am so hoping they will accept that!  So hopefully I will have good news soon!!!!!!!!!!

Wordless Wednesday: LIfe Love and the Pursuit of Happiness

FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I got a call today from Jessica my fertility nurse.  She said they denied my IVF claim because I am about 15lbs over there limit!  15!!!!  She said I would have to lose the weight before they could resubmit the claim or get an anesthesiologist consult.  If I do the consult I would have to pay for it out of pocket.  She said she would see what the cost would be and get back to me.  Well in true Emily style I couldn't sit back and wait.  I called the place where they do the consults for the clinic myself and explained the situation.  They told me there wouldn't be a charge.  I then called Jessica back and she was concerned they didn't understand that I wasn't having surgery there.  She then explained that it the 15 lb lose would help the implantation and I felt like she was leaning me towards waiting.  I told her I would lose it in time for the implantation but if I could get it approved while doing it was my goal.  If I don't get the consult I couldn't even start the prep until the weight lose which would be about a month.  So I called the clinic the does the consult back to make sure they understood what I wanted to do.  They said they would call me tomorrow.  

I know its only 15lbs and a month isn't a long time but I have been waiting for this for a looong time and a month longer is torture!  I am down right mad at myself for not sticking to my diet through the holidays!  If I had any idea this would have happened my motivation would have been wayyyy better.  My doctor just told me it would be better.  I also had planned on losing it before the implantation.  I was also helping out the Portland, ME store today so I really had to keep it together!  I am in a hotel for 5 days so I bought myself a cheap pair of sneakers to use the gym.  The pool is closed until tomorrow but I plan on doing cardio in the AM and the pool at night.  I don't know what is going to happen but if some reason I have to wait I can't waste another day.  It is hard right now because I am in a hotel for the next 5 days so eating out is my only option.  Tonight I had  grilled chicken and salsa from On the Boarder.  Tomorrow I work at a store that is next door to a Hannafords so I can eat a Kashi meal for lunch and get yogurt and fruits for snack.  So hopefully I will have good news tomorrow.  If I get the consult I would drive from Portland down to Statham NH and back before I work at 11 am on Thursday.  So right now it is what it is and I need to do everything I can to lose the weight.

New Years Eve at The Red Barn at Outlook Farm!

I completely forgot to post about New Years Eve!  It was such a great night!  The Red Barn in S. Berwick Maine was amazing!!! Our friend Jason's family owns it and what hospitality!  I can't even begin to explain the dinner!!! It was some of the best food I have ever had!  I cut my steak with a butter knife!  The salad was grilled romaine.  I have since dreamt about the food! It was a great way to bring in 2011!

I am so impatient!

So it is January 3rd.  This month is going bye at a snails pace!  I am trying not to let IVF consume me but its not going well.  I feel that thats all I can think about and talk about.  I spend hours on the internet reading blogs from other IVF'ers.  I feel that I need to have some control over this uncontrollable situation. I am glad to see I am not the only person that has there life taken over by IVF.  A lot of the blogs I have been reading seems to have a common theme....how to not think about it for 2 seconds. I had to call the clinic today to get some clarification on some things and they asked me if I am handling the wait ok.  Nope I replied.  They told me that it is very common and many woman feel the need to do one of two things.  The first obsess about every detail and plan as many things as humanly possible (obviously me).  The second is to not think about it at all for fear.  We need to cope the best way we can so they recommended planning for the bed rest and 2ww(2 week wait) period.  So I need to make a list of movies for the bed rest and plan some fun activities for the 2ww.  I need some suggestions for movies.  I really love comedy and of course good chick flicks.  As far as the 2ww I think a painting pottery trip is in order.  I find that it is really relaxing.  Any other suggestions would be great.

Anyway, yesterday was a great day.. I became a Godmother to my best friends son Mason.  It is such an honor.  I remember the day he was born.  I can't believe how fast they grow.  Her brother Alden was named Godfather.  He is decked out in his Army attire.  It was a very special day!