I am going crazy!

Besides the crazy nausea going on and the extreme exhaustion another symptom has made it's way into my would in the past week.  Ridiculous mood swings.  I find my self crying and making a big deal over the dumbest things.  I know even when I wasn't pregnant I was an emotional person but this is crazy.  I get so frustrated with the smallest things and that isn't good in my line of work.  I work with the public and usually I can just brush off over all stupidity but lately I have had to control my very short fuse.  A woman was walking to slow going into the grocery store and usually I get a little annoyed but today I wanted to yell at her and tell her there are other people in this world besides her.  Nate has seen the extreme of it!  I surprised he hasn't moved out until these babies come out.  I hate feeling like I am in a bad mood all the time.  I know  I am trying not to complain because I am just so grateful that I am pregnant but it is getting hard especially when you walk around wanting to hit people for being dumb!  Anyway, I don't get another look at the sweet peas for a week and a half!  That seem so long! But after that is a real OB appointment!!  I get to graduate from my RE!!!

2cd Ultrasound

I had my second ultrasound this morning.  It went really well both babies are right at 7 weeks which I just hit today!  Their heartbeats are still really strong!  No blood in the uterus which makes me happy, but beg the question where is the spotting coming from!  Dr. Hill told me as long as it is not in the uterus then don't worry.  He is letting me stop the progesterone shots and switch to vaginal suppositories (yuck!).  He wants to see me back in 2 weeks for another ultrasound.  2 Weeks seems so long!!!!  It is amazing how much they have grown in just 5 days!  He also told me to make an appointment with my OB!  I am almost a fertility clinic graduate!  I actually went online and put some maternity clothes in a shopping bag.  I haven't purchased them yet because I am still nervous.  Although Dr. Hill is not worried at all.  I going to need the stuff soon because over the weekend I defiantly am sporting a little bump.  Dr. hill said he expected that and I will need to switch to maternity clothes before I am out of my 1st trimester with twins!  We have very fun memorial day plans that include a pontoon boat with my cousin and her family so I will need some swim wear by then.  Also this week is National Infertility Awareness Week!  I pray for all the woman that are doing some kind of treatment that they all get a BFP!!!

Big sigh of relief that turned into the best day ever!!!

I am Having TWINS!!!!!  They are both healthy and measuring perfectly for 6 weeks.  Baby A's heartbeat is 160 per min and Baby B is 151 per min!!!  They think the cramping was just me over doing it so I have to relax today.  I am just so thankful that I got good news today!  Nate and I prayed all night that everything would be ok!  We are both elated with the news!  I can't believe it!  I have never had a good ultrasound!  Bad things always happen at my ultrasounds until today!  I have a good feeling about the twins!!

Twins!!!

Tomorrow we will have some answers!

I called Dr. Hill because I was going on almost 3 hrs of straight cramping.  He said that he thinks everything is ok but he wants me to come in tomorrow for on ultrasound to be on the safe side.  I really hope we see one or two perfect heartbeats and they are on tract for development.  I did consider just going to the ER tonight but Nate said I really should talk to Dr. Hill first since he knows best.  He also said to stay off my feet for the next 24 hours because sometimes cramping like this is a sign I might be over doing it.  So I have been off my feet for a while and the cramping is starting to get better.  I am really praying everything looks good tomorrow.  I am excited to see how many but I more concerned with making sure everything is ok so the excitement has taken a backseat.  So hopefully we will have some answers tomorrow and I hope they are great answers.

A little nervous!

Tonight I got home from work and used the restroom.  I had a little speck of blood.  Then a few minutes later I started to have cramps.  They are not so bad that I am doubled over but they defiantly hurt.  I have had cramps now for about an hour and a half.  I am really scared right now.  I never has cramps for this long!  I hope everything is ok!!

Waiting Again

I still have a week until my ultrasound!  This is taking FOEVER!  Everyday that goes by I feel more and more pregnant which is good.  Nausea seems to be getting worse everyday.  I also have had some issues with (TMI alert) gas pains.  Sometimes they scare me because I think it is my uterus cramping so bad but then I realize it is gas pains.  I also bought preggie pops for motherhood maternity and I have mixed reviews on them.  Sometimes they work for a little bit and sometimes I suck on them one after another and there is no relief.  So I am still not sure how I feel about them.  The girls hurt off and on and it sometimes I need a sports bra to help contain the pain.  I feel like I have already passed my other pregnancies because I am having a lot more pregnancy symptoms.  I don't remember how many weeks the other pregnancies got to.  I don't think they made it to 6 weeks in my tubes.  SO thats all the news for now.

Last Beta!

My number was 8649!  I am really excited but I am also a little frustrated.  I waited all day for the call and my phone never rang because I get horrible cell service at my house but normally I can take a call in one place in my kitchen.  Well today I couldn't even get the phone to ring so there was a message on my phone.  They just said to stay on the progesterone and estrace and come in for an ultrasound on the 26th.  I called them back and left them a message to call my landline and left the number.   They call my old landline which should have been taken out of my chart.  Thank god I still get email messages for the next few days until the line is fully cancelled.  They left a message with my HCG number which was good but I wanted to see why they were doing the ultrasound at 7 weeks instead of 6.  Also when I would start lowering my progesterone dose.  I also need reassurance that the number looks good.  So although today didn't go as planned I am still happy for good news.  I knew it had to be going up since last night I actually had to sleep with a sports bra on because the girls hurt.  In al my other pregnancies they never hurt so I am assuming I never made it this far.  We always found they were ectopic at around 6 weeks and who knows how long the hcg wasn't going up.  Anyway, I feel like the 26th is soooo far away!  I just want to know how many and that they look ok!

Know my limits

Today was the first day off that I have had that I haven't had plans.   I realized how dirty my house was and we had no food because I haven't had the time of energy to deal with grocery shopping or cleaning.  So today was my day to get all that fun stuff done.  I was able to sleep in which was great and then got to work.  By 3pm I started to get really crampy and tired.  I realized I have some limitations and I think my body had to kick in and tell me to slow down. i don't have as much energy and stamina as I use to.  So I am now relaxing on the couch for the rest of the day.  Tomorrow is my third beta and I am really hoping my levels still look good.  I am also hoping that we can schedule the ultrasound tomorrow as well.  I praying we can do it on Tuesday.  My nurse said it would probably be Tuesday or Thursday because Dr. Hill is in the office on those days. So I hope I get good news tomorrow!!!

A whole new two week wait!

Now one warned me about what happens after getting a positive on the beta test!  You have another loooooong two week wait!  First I have to wait a week after the second beta for my third.  I got the first two in 48 hours.  Then you have to wait about a week after the third beta for an actual ultrasound!  Its only Monday and I am reanalyzing all of my pregnancy symptoms!  This morning I didn't feel nauseous or dizzy and I got a little worried.  Around 2pm I started to feel sick and I felt better.  If I not nauseous I am not happy.  Never thought I would say that!  I am dying for the ultrasound!!!! I just want to make sure we see a heartbeat/heartbeats and everything looks good!  Every ultrasound I have ever had has gone really bad and I am really scared for this one.  I just want to see for myself that things are progressing as they should.  From what the doctors have said I have never had a baby make it to six weeks and I will be six weeks at my ultrasound.  Last week my doctors office was in contact with me for the majority of the week, now I am back to no news!  It is so frustrating! For the most part I have been enjoying the fact that I am pregnant but for some reason I hit a freak out wall today.  I am sure I will have a few of those as this progresses.  The 2 weeks from the positive to the ultrasound seems just as long as the original 2ww to see if I was pregnant!  I hope I feel really nauseous tomorrow!

PETA went off the deep end

April 24-30 is Infertility Awareness week.  PETA the idiots that they are decided to celebrate by giving away a free vasectomy to a man that has spayed or neutered their animal in the month of April.  This is a letter an infertile sent to the president of PETA!  I whole heartedly agree with every word she says! 

Dear Ms. Newkirk,




I grew up listening to Bob Barker reminding me to "always spay or neuter your pets" at the end of each episode of The Price is Right. It's a responsible action to take as a pet-owner, something I've done for each of the four cats my husband and I have rescued from shelters over the years. I can support campaigns to promote spay/neuter programs, as it's something all pet-owners really should be doing anyway. Organizations like the ASPCA have even established mobile and transport spay/neuter programs to reach pet-owners in urban communities, an example of a great community-based program to give pet-owners the access they need to spay/neuter care for their animals.



What I can't support, however, is your latest media-sensationalizing-ready "Win a Vasectomy" campaign offering a free vasectomy to a man who has his pet spayed or neutered during the month of April





It's not that I take issue with offering a vasectomy as a contest prize,
rather, that this entire publicity stunt is in honor of National Infertility Awareness Week.




As you so tactfully state:



Human overpopulation is crowding out animal life on the planet, and dog and cat overpopulation is creating a euthanasia crisis that is a crying shame. Disappearing wilderness, vanishing water resources, and pollution is the price that future generations will pay for more human births...

I recognize that PETA has never been a bastion for balanced, non-violent promotion for the ethical treatment of animals. Your "Win a Vasectomy" campaign in honor of a federally recognized health observance, however, takes your subtle PR approaches to an astoundingly new low.



Why has PETA chosen to exclusively recognize National Infertility Awareness Week? By your logic, if we're to curb human overpopulation, we should be more aware of high mortality rates and causes. Why not American Heart Month in February? Why not Breast Cancer Awareness Month in October? After all, heart disease and cancer are the two leading causes of death in the United States. Why not honor those Awareness Months (and thus those leading causes of mortality) by offering assisted suicides for patients who spay and neuter their pets?



Perhaps I've spoken too plainly. Perhaps poking fun at cancer and heart disease patients to promote your cause isn't the best PR strategy. In fact, it would appear that PETA even supports and awards the work of those in the breast cancer research community. You even said so yourself: "Anyone who wants to see a cure for breast cancer in our lifetime should support this forward-thinking program." So I guess finding cures for cancer is something PETA supports, even though you've said publicly: "We are named People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. There are plenty of other groups that worry about the humans.''



Now that I've had a chance to really process this, I think I've figured it out now: it's not that PETA wants people to die; rather, they shouldn't be born in the first place. And what better way to do this than to celebrate and honor National Infertility Awareness Week by enabling "one lucky man" to be "reproduction-free, free of charge, just like his pooch or feline friend."



I think your meaning is finally crystal-clear to me. PETA has decided that it's acceptable to ridicule, devalue, and trivialize the infertility patient community experience in the name of promoting responsible pet-ownership. By your logic, infertility patients deserve the diagnoses handed to them because we simply shouldn't be having children in the first place. The planet is crowded enough. Our infertility is justified.



It's okay to have a laugh at the expense of the infertility community because they shouldn't be having babies anyway: what a fantastic PETA promotional message. Your "Win a Vasectomy" campaign is tactless, arrogant, hurtful, damaging, insensitive and disgusting.



I guess I'm just a little confused since your organization is focused on the ethical treatment of animals, yet you seem to have a pretty strong opinion worrying about human concerns like overpopulation, or even taking the time to award progressive breast cancer research groups. I mean, you said so yourself- there are plenty of other groups to worry about the humans.



Ms. Newkirk, as someone living "reproduction-free" for the last two years, I can tell you that our patient community experience is not justified nor deserved. While you're offering "one lucky man" the choice to live "reproduction-free," I didn't have that choice. My one remaining ovary stopped functioning and my hopes to ever have my own genetic children were taken away from me without my consent. Overpopulation or not, I still have the right to parent and to seek medical treatment for my infertility. To say that my diagnosis is somehow deserved or justified in the name of population reduction is not only an affront to me personally, but to the 7.3 million other men and women who live with this disease daily in the United States.



RESOLVE, the National Infertility Association and the responsible organization for National Infertility Awareness Week, has dedicated this year's focus to busting infertility myths. Ironically enough, by choosing to honor NIAW with your "Win a Vasectomy" campaign, you've helped to perpetuate many infertility myths in the process. It would behoove you and the members of your organization to perhaps do your homework before initiating such media-ready PR campaigns, but then again, I suppose that was the point.



Unfortunately, even bad press is still press, so I'm hoping my readers will post about their outrage on Facebook linking instead to this post, posts of their own, or the screenshot of the page rather than linking directly to the "Win a Vasectomy" page at PETA. When the success of a publicity campaign is measured in pageviews, it's important that the infertility community keeps your organization from receiving those pageviews in the first place.



It's unfortunate that you launched this campaign at the expense of any kind of financial support from our 7.3 million-strong patient community. I will encourage all of my friends, family, readers, and followers who have previously supported PETA in the past to instead make a donation to RESOLVE in support of National Infertility Awareness Week and ask them to do the same to their family, friends, and readers. I will also encourage them to email you directly at ingridn@peta.org with their outrage over your latest campaign and to share your email address with those who share their concerns.



Perhaps if your organization bothered to treat their fellow humans with respect, dignity, and ethics, more people would do the same for animals

Second Beta

Today was my second beta test ( testing my blood for HCG hormone woman have when they are pregnant).........735!!!!!!!!!!  I am really happy with that number.  Still have to wait until the ultrasound to see if it is twins but my levels are still defiantly twin territory.  They have seen single babies pull these high numbers but more twins!  As for symptoms I still can smell everything and I am so tired!  I have been nauseous through out the day.  My next beta is next Friday and then the ultrasound!

The nose of a hound dog!

I can smell EVERYTHING!  I was able to smell the mustard on my bosses sandwich in a different room.  The customers I work with all smell.... can smell a smoker as soon as they walk in the door.  It is crazy the stuff I smell and at least half the time it is not pleasant! 
Tomorrow is my second beta test.  I really hoping for another good number.  Then I have to wait a full week before they test my levels for a third time.  I might have to buy some test for next week just to reassure myself. 
Since announcing the 1st positive beta I have been overwhelmed with the support and good wishes from friends and family!  It is nice to remember how blessed Nate and I are with such a great group of people! I truly appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers! 

I know it is early

I wont know if it is twins for about 2 weeks but I figured I would make a ticker for twins and if it is only one I will adjust it.  Besides as of right now I am pregnant with twins until proven otherwise:)

The Results are IN!!!!!!!!!!

298!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am very pregnant accourding to my doctor! That is a great 1st beta number!!!!!!!!  I am so relieved for right now.  I am try to just enjoy the fact that  I am truly pregnant and stop worrying about what could happen!  My past DOES NOT dictate my future!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday is almost here.

Tomorrow is my blood test and I am still a little nervous about it.  I just want my levels to be good.  The early symptoms are here and in full motion.  My nose can smell anything and that isn't a good thing when you work with the public.  I get nauseous through out the day.  I also have to eat every few hours.  I love symptoms because it reassures me that this is real.  So hopefully we get more good news tomorrow!

What a great Monday so far!

This morning I took another test and the line was a little darker thank God!  I also called the clinic for a few questions and mentioned to Jessica that I took a test last night and this morning.  I wanted to make sure my drugs couldn't pull the positive.  Nope, she said if there is a line I am pregnant.  She said I could go in tomorrow for the test instead of waiting for Wednesday.  I wish I could but we are short staffed tomorrow and just in the off chance I get some bad news I couldn't go home.  So I decided to keep the test Wednesday.  Last night before I fell asleep I let my mind go and thought of baby showers, and nurseries, and when to buy maternity clothes.  I know I have a long way to go before I get there and a lot of hurdles to jump, but it is nice to think I could be there sooner than I think!

Wow my world just got rocked!

Tonight I came home from work and decided that I might has well torture myself and take a pregnancy test.  I knew I should do it in the morning because it is the best time and I also knew a negative was probably the  results because I was well hydrated but I did it anyway.  I AM PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!  As of tonight I am officially pregnant! I don't know if it will last a day or a week or nine months but today I have HCG pumping through my body!  I am unbelievably excited but I am so scared because I know its still early and things can happen but I can't stop starring at the HPT with the beautiful plus sign!  So now I need to have my blood test on Wednesday and then on Thursday and after that I will have an ultrasound a week and a half late and we will find out if it is one or two!

Mind Games

For a few days now I have been feeling like this didn't work.  Maybe because I went against what everyone said and did a home pregnancy test on day 6dp2dr and 7dp2dr.  Obviously they were negative and after reading a lot of blogs I see that it was defiantly to early.  Yesterday I didn't take a HPT and for most of the day I felt very pregnant.  My nose smells everything!  I remember that happening on my last pregnancies.  I defiantly got nauseous after smelling things.  However nauseousness can be a side effect of progesterone in oil.  I am not sure if heightened sense of smell is.  Then last night I had about 6 big cramps.  They were very painful which of course scared me. Last night I had 2 dreams that I got 2 positive pregnancy tests.  This past week has been the hardest week ever in my life.  I have no idea if this worked or not and this waiting is killing me.  I wouldn't be as stress if we had been able to freeze some eggs because it is a lot cheaper to do a frozen embryo transfer, but that didn't happen.  If this didn't work we are going to have to figure out how to pay for another cycle.  I am not ready to let IVF go yet.

7dp2dt and What I have learned from being infertile.

I found this post on a blog called I believe in Miracles.  I felt like she took the words out of my mouth!  As far as 7dp2dt....I have had major ups and downs.  One min I think I am pregnant and the next I think I am not.  Worst week of my life so far!

I’ve learned that unintentional hurts come from loving but uninformed acquaintances.

I’ve learned that nothing is really as scary as I imagine it to be.

I’ve learned not to take everything so seriously or personally.

I’ve learned to stop planning so much for the future and enjoy the present by living in the moment.

I’ve learned that sometimes just putting your feet on the ground and one in front of the other, is enough.

I’ve learned that a lot of goodness can come from the unknown.

I’ve learned that people who are there for you the most, oftentimes are the people you’d least expect.

I’ve learned that the people you’d expect to be there for you the most, oftentimes are there the least.

I’ve learned that life offers far more good than the bad.

I’ve learned that the friends you thought would be there for you may let go of you, which makes you feel unworthy and unloved.

I’ve learned that even though you want no one to have to go through this – it helps to know someone who is. Because then you don’t feel so alone. Anything to help you not feel so lonely.

I’ve learned that even though I might not want to attend a baby shower – I still want to be invited. Because it hurts much worse to find out about it later.

I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you think you can’t.

I’ve learned how to react and respond to people who say insensitive things.

I’ve learned that I have more patience, strength, and resilience that I ever imagined.

I learned I’m glad I didn’t track of the number of hours total that I’ve waited for doctor appointments, the number of miles driven in the car to appointments, or the number of hours on hold on the telephone.

I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I’ve learned that I have a lot to be proud of.

I’ve learned and gained a deeper love, devotion, and appreciation for my husband due to the trials we’ve faced together.

I’ve learned to stop looking at the piles and piles of hospital/clinic statements, bills, and prescription sheets.