Tuesday, March 29, 2011


Well things have changed a little here.  Yesterday I had a bout of nausea.  After that no symptoms.  Just a very sore backside from the progesterone in oil.  Like really sore.  Then I woke up at 6am this morning and felt like I am not pregnant and was trying to think of ways to get enough money to do IVF again in a few months.  Then a while later Nate got up and went to shower.  He came back in and got his clothes and the whole room smelled like a floral sent. I asked him what he used and he said same thing I do every morning.  We have giant bottles of shampoo and conditioner that is flowery.  I have never smell it when he has come into get his clothes and he has been doing that for 7 years.  So is it a sign that my nose is more sensitive or am I trying to hard to feel something.  Oh and something really weird happened this morning....this might be TMI, but I fell back asleep and had an interesting dream which seemed really real and quite the erotic dream.  I woke up feeling like it was really real!  I don't know what that means?  So I have no idea at this point how I feel.  Right this second I feel nothing.

Sunday, March 27, 2011


I know it is probably to early for symptoms but I never get heartburn.  The only time I get it was in my last pregnancies.  This morning all of a sudden I get heartburn.  The doctor did say implantation would occur yesterday or today and I remember last pregnancy before I was nauseous, I was tired and had heartburn for like 2 weeks before I suspected I was pregnant.  I remember WebMD ing tired and extreme heartburn to see if I had some weird virus.  I don't want to read to much into it but I am really hoping that it is an early sign that my body is doing what it need to to keep the sweet peas safe and thriving!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

1dp2dt (1 day post 2 day transfer)

I am feeling ok, a little crampy and have to pee a lot.  I can't take any allergy medication which is not fun.  I have allergies in full swing and even have a little asthma going on.  Every time I lay down I cough and I am scared that I am jostling the sweet peas around to much.  I am a little board with bed rest.  I can't seem to get into any seasons of tv shows.  I really wish I could fine a great TV show to watch.  If anyone has suggestions I would love to hear them.  I am enjoying Nate having to do everything.  He has cook some great meals and then cleaned up!  He even has a load of laundry going.  The only thing I am missing is a bell to ring him!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Our Sweet Peas

2 Amazing Sweet Peas!

This morning I had 2 beautiful embryos transferred!  I got to the clinic early and had to fill my bladder for the transfer.  By the time I went into the room I was very uncomfortable.  They let me let out some which was hard and I went back into the transfer room.  Boy was it tight.  My mom and sister Rachel came with Nate and I.  Then we had the doctor(not Dr. Hill but a nice, funny woman doctor), the ultrasonographer, and 3 embryologist.  They verified who I was and loaded up the catheter and then I heard the doctor say "transferring" and then it was done.  The doctor did complement my uterus.  She said it was beautiful and I made her job easy, so I am taking that as a good sign.  Then I had to lay with my feet up for 10 min and it was by far the worst 10 min of my life.  I thought my bladder was going to explode and paired with the cramps I was in agony!  I really thought I wasn't going to make it to the bathroom.  Finally the 10 min was up and I ran to the bathroom after flashing some nurses because I couldn't get the sheet around me fast enough.  After I finally had some relief the impact of what just happened hit me! I can't believe they are in me! I can't believe I made it this far! I had a lot of ups and downs and I just hope the good news keeps on coming.  The doctor today gave me a 50/50 chance.  Now I just sit and wait for the dreaded 2 weeks and try to heed the advice from all my family and friends to NOT taking any home pregnancy tests!  I will make an honest effort but I am not promising anything.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Friday is the big day!

Well the nurse left me a message on my cell phone.  I get no service at my house so I am annoyed that I couldn't talk to them in person and ask questions.  They said out of 7 eggs 5 matured and 3 fertilized and of the 3 two look really good.  So they are opting for a 2 day transfer.  I don't know if that is a good or bad thing.  The norm seems 3 or 5 day transfer.  So I am waiting for the office to call me back because I am freaking out a little.  I hope everything is good.  I might try to convince Dr. Hill to just put back all 3. I wonder if he would since one of them isn't as good.  The biggest lesson I have learned in this whole process is patients. This is a waiting game.  Do this and wait, do that and wait.  There are also hurdles at every turn and you just have to pray you jump them.  So right now I am just waiting to hear back from the office to get more clarification on what the grade of the eggs are and why they are choosing a 2 day.  So we wait again!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Lucky number 7!?!?

The egg retrieval went well this morning.  I had to be there by 9am and we ended up a stop and shop right down the road at 8am.  We just wanted to make sure we had plenty of time.  I bought pineapple to help my endometrial lining and gatorade because that is suppose to help you rehydrate better than water after an egg retrieval.  We then went to the office to have the procedure done and it started off a little painful.  It took 4 tries to get an IV in.  My right hand had a giant lump in it by the time they were done.  Finally I went in to get the procedure done and I remember looking up at the ceiling tiles and they started to move which freaked me out a little bit.  They told me to stop looking at it and just close my eyes but those tiles just looked weird and then I was out.  When I woke up I was in the fetal position in a lot of pain.  I remember Dr. Hill telling me we got 7 eggs and I think I started to cry because I thought I had way more and I was hoping for double digets.  He said it was great and my body responded well to the drugs when we upped it.
I really hope I have enough to implant 2 and have some to freeze. I guess it is about quality not quantity.  I do have to remember that I have made it this far and I should be thankful but it is hard.   So Nate and I are just watching movies all day and I am still in some pain but it is getting better.   

Tuesday, March 22, 2011


Nate finally had his turn at this and he did well.  He looked at me with sheer fear in his eyes when he watch the video on how to give the shot.  I told him he had to just do it.  He did and it didn't hurt going in but my whole right side of my butt hurt after the medicine went in.  I needed a heating pad for a little while and after about an hour it felt like I just worked out but only on the right side.  So now I wait... Tonight when Nate gets home we will head to MA.  I just talked Jessica my nurse and she said I can go into the pool tonight at the hotel!  Obviously I can't go into the hot tub.  Anyway, I need to get to cleaning as much as I can because I won't be able to do much in the up coming days.

Monday, March 21, 2011

So just pull the trigger!

It is officialI trigger tonight at 10pm!  Its Nate's big moment! I am so happy I have made it this far!  I go in for the retrieval Wednesday at 9am!  I am sooo nervous! I hope they get a lot of good quality eggs!  I hope we have enough to put in 2 and freeze the rest.  After last Tuesday I was praying that I would at least make it to this point.  Now a few more hurdles and I might be pregnant!  I am just waiting for the doctor to call me back because they might have me take on more round of menopur with the trigger and I am all out.  So they are seeing if it necessary.  If it is necessary and I can't get it from my pharmacy then I will have to drive down to Mass.  in the next hour to pick it up.  so I am just waiting for that news.  We also book a hotel for tomorrow night because we want to make sure we get the with time to spare especially after the hysteroscopy incident (see sept 2010 post).  The hotel is 7 min from the office so I am comfortable with that distance instead of almost 2 hours in the early morning on 93 and 95 almost in Boston.  That sounds like a stressful nightmare.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Day off!

Yesterday the doctors office called and said I could have the day off from being poked and prodded by them.  Thanks God I really didn't want to drive to Reading, MA for 20 min at 5:30am!  They also said my estrogen looks good as well as my follicles.  They think I will trigger tomorrow!! At the latest Tuesday!  I go back in tomorrow and we will see what has happened over the weekend.  Yesterday I got to relax and hang out with some friends.  We painted pottery which for me is sooo relaxing and went to dinner.  We did spend like over an hour wandering Target and by the end of it I think I over did it.  I was soooo tired and uncomfortable!  I get tired so easily now.  Probably because my body is working a mile a min trying to grow the follicles.  So I now know I have limits in a day.  By the time we left Target I realized I would have to pull over somewhere and do my nightly shots.  I found a park and ride and felt like a shady drug addict.  My friend Mary was with me and thought it was quite an adventure.  I never want to subject my friends to the actual injection process but it couldn't be helped.  If I had to picture any friend that I would want to subject, it would be Mary.  She can find anything humorous and also I think found it very interesting.  Although she is trying at all cost to get me to name a boy Danny because it sounds like Danny boy when you add our last name Boyd.  She finds it hysterical and told me she would do my injections for me if she could name the boy that.  Needless to say I injected my self.  So there will be no news today!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

I am Loaded!!!!!!!

No I am not drunk FYI!  This morning I went in for my blood work and ultrasound.  The ultrasound was very unpleasant!  Actually to be honest it hurt like hell!!!!!  I told the ultrasonographer that hurt a lot more today and she responded "It should because you are loaded!"  It becomes more uncomfortable when you have more follicles because they have to push to get all the measurements. Today I have 15 over 10mm and a total of 28 follicles!  The drugs are working! I still have to wait for the call from the clinic today but I am hoping for the best.  They might let me have the day off from blood and u/s tomorrow! If not I have to drive to Reading, MA!  That is a long haul for 20 min of work, but if they need me to I will do it.  So again its the waiting game!

Friday, March 18, 2011

Was down but not out!

Today I went for the dreaded blood and ultrasound.  I hardly slept last night because I had no idea how the day would turn out.  My estrogen level on Tuesday was like 32.  Today it was over 500 so I am very happy.  Tuesday I didn't have any follicles over 10mm.  Today I have 21 follicles with 12 being over 10!  When the nurse called asked if she thought I would make it to my egg retrieval and she said yes and everything was moving along fine.  I just have to go back tomorrow for another ultrasound and blood and I have to go back every day until  have 2 follicles that reach 18mm and then we trigger ovulation!  I am just nervous that I will stop progressing but the nurse said that I should progress.  So I am very happy with the news and I just hope it keeps getting better!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Wordless Wednesday (A Day Late)- Hope

Let's make some eggs!

This is what my sharps box looks like right now!

Hoping for good news Friday!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Why can't I this be easier!

I don't understand why this can't be easy?! Why do I keep getting bad news?! Why is it so easy for most people to get pregnant and for others it is the most work ever with little good news?! Why do I have to be in the second category of people?!  I had an ultrasound and blood work today and I thought it would go well boy was I wrong.  Dr. Hill called me today for my results which come to find out thats not a good sign when the doctor calls you.  He said my ovaries are still sleeping and my estrogen level hasn't budged which isn't a good thing.  He said tonight I am going to max out on drugs so I take 300 units of the gonal f pen and 2 ampules of menopur.  I do that until friday when I go back in for blood and ultrasound.  If I still have a poor response our cycle gets cancelled!  I was at work when I got the call and I didn't take it well and I had to leave! I am such a mess!  I know there is still a chance but I didn't expect this news.  Getting pregnant was never my issue.  So for the next fews days I am going to be on pins and needles and I am sure feeling like crap because of all the medications.  I really hope this all works out and this is a successful IVF cycle!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Day 2 of stims

I just finish my second shot of the Gonal-F pen and a few hours ago I felt tiny twinges in my ovaries.  After doing the shot tonight I feel weird.  I feel constant twinges in my ovaries and a weird full feeling if that makes sense.  I am also scared of squishing my ovaries.  I am sure I am overreacting but my pants today needed to be loose because I was so scared that I would mess them up if I wore snug pants.  So hopefully my ovaries are making a bunch of great eggs!!!! The doctor told me I would probably get uncomfortable in a few days.  I start my IVF vacation on Thursday because I thought I would trigger Wednesday.  Now that I am triggering a few days later I thought I might postpone my vacation by 2 days.  The doctor told me to keep my vacation because the more rest I get right before the trigger the better and I will be more comfortable resting than running around helping customers.  So if it all works out with scheduling I will keep my vacation on Thursday and only extend the end of it by 2 days.  I must admit I am really excited to be on vacation so I can relax and de stress and prepare for a (hopefully) positive!  The only other weird side effect I just remembered is I have been craving organic chocolate.  I am not a big chocolate person like some people I know *coughAbbycough* but everyday I just want chocolate.  So I have been getting organic and sharing it with my coworkers.  Weird!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

A SIGN!!!!!!!!!

So today is the first official start of my IVF cycle and tonight I realized that 3 years ago today was a life changing day.  The love of my life asked me to be his wife!!!! What a great day to start my cycle!!!!!!  We went to Arizona for vacation and so I could meet his family.  I really wanted to see the Grand Canyon and Sedona.  Nate rented a room at a bed and breakfast in Sedona and I had no clue.  The day we left I was mad at him because I didn't want to drive up to Sedona with no place to stay and he kept telling me we would find a place.  Every time I asked him to find a place online he would get snappy. I had no idea he had book this place weeks ago.  The pics below are for the day we got engaged.  It was such a great day.  We had dinner at a great restaurant and I tried buffalo.  I also had a prickly pear margarita which was great!  We also went to the store to get wine for later and Nate took FOREVER trying to find a nice bottle! Seriously like an hour! I didn't know why he was being so picky....give me a bottle of red and I will be your best friend no matter how cheap it is (FYI i will never drink out of a box or bag or arbor mist)!  Looking back all the little things that drove me crazy that day made sense and it still is one of the best days of my life!  We got caught in a 4 hour stopped traffic jam due to an accident and I LOVED it!  It was 78 degrees and I had tabloids so I sat outside and tanned.  Nate didn't fair so well he got a giant headache in the traffic jam.  I was so relaxed!  So I hope that this is a great sign of another start to the rest of our lives!

Nate getting the Champagne right before asking me to marry him!
the king bed
The bathroom

The day we got engaged but I didn't know it yet
The view from the room Nate booked us to stay at in Sedona
The sitting area

Friday, March 11, 2011

Starting the process

I start the actual IVF process tomorrow with the stimulation drugs.  I am excited and nervous! Lately I have been a little on the down side and I keep thinking what if this doesn't work.  I have to stop thinking about statistics and just trust that God knows what he is doing.  I have to separate science from faith because in the end faith is really all you have.  Science is never 100%.  I am also a little down because I thought I would already be simulating and they said I had to wait until tomorrow.  So at this point I have no idea when the retrieval and transfer will actually happen.
A close family member announced their pregnancy this past weekend and I am sooo happy for her!!!!! I really am, but I couldn't believe my reaction! It was like a boulder slamming me in the stomach! I DON"T want anyone to feel like they have to tip toe around me especially family.  I just couldn't believe my reaction.  I knew they were trying so it shouldn't have come as a shock but for some reason it did. I was a mess for a few hours.  I am hoping I am just more sensitive because of all the hormones.  I think every time someone announces they are pregnant I get a little down so I really think my reaction was sheer hormones and fear that I might not be able to announce the same thing soon.  The next day after my ridiculous reaction I received a gift form a friend.  Sometimes I feel so isolated from everyone and the gift just really put everything into perspective and made me remember I have a great support system!  So next time I am being a crying mess I just need to think about all that I am blessed with and at least I have an opportunity to  try to become a mom.  Some people don't even get that option.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Spoke to soon!

I really should have never mentioned that I was only having minor side effects with lupron!  I have since had a lot more!  It has been a week since I started that injection.  Last night was the worst!  I was up all night and couldn't sleep or get comfortable.  That is one of the major side effects.  I have also had the worst nasal congestion.  When I finally fell asleep I would wake up in a cold sweat!  So I jinxed myself.  This week is a big week....I start the actual IVF cycle.  I go up to 2 injections and then 3 a day.  The next 2 injections stimulate the ovaries to make a lot of eggs.  I am just waiting for that time of the month to start.  I REALLY hope this is my last time of the month for a looooong time!!!  I will be going to Portsmouth about every other day until the retrieval! If all goes well I will be "pregnant" next week!!!! Then it is up to my body to stay pregnant!!!  I can't believe I am soo close!!!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

A nice way to start!

I have been on the lupron shots for a few days now and the only side effects I have notice is a few hot flashes.  I don't have the lupron head or fog I have read about.  I have had no mood swings thank God!!!  Those shots are really not bad at all as far as pain!  Today I actually have to do my injection at work.  That will be a little weird.....shooting myself up in my works bathroom.  You have to do what you have to do!