Friday, March 11, 2011

Starting the process

I start the actual IVF process tomorrow with the stimulation drugs.  I am excited and nervous! Lately I have been a little on the down side and I keep thinking what if this doesn't work.  I have to stop thinking about statistics and just trust that God knows what he is doing.  I have to separate science from faith because in the end faith is really all you have.  Science is never 100%.  I am also a little down because I thought I would already be simulating and they said I had to wait until tomorrow.  So at this point I have no idea when the retrieval and transfer will actually happen.
A close family member announced their pregnancy this past weekend and I am sooo happy for her!!!!! I really am, but I couldn't believe my reaction! It was like a boulder slamming me in the stomach! I DON"T want anyone to feel like they have to tip toe around me especially family.  I just couldn't believe my reaction.  I knew they were trying so it shouldn't have come as a shock but for some reason it did. I was a mess for a few hours.  I am hoping I am just more sensitive because of all the hormones.  I think every time someone announces they are pregnant I get a little down so I really think my reaction was sheer hormones and fear that I might not be able to announce the same thing soon.  The next day after my ridiculous reaction I received a gift form a friend.  Sometimes I feel so isolated from everyone and the gift just really put everything into perspective and made me remember I have a great support system!  So next time I am being a crying mess I just need to think about all that I am blessed with and at least I have an opportunity to  try to become a mom.  Some people don't even get that option.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, so insightful! I'm so glad you're doing this blog to keep everyone updated, plus it'll be great to look back on when your little one is older. :)