Thursday, May 23, 2013

Pre Kid Me vs. Post Kid Me

I have struggled in the past year and a half with feelings of guilt and sadness.  I know I touched on this a while back but it seems to stay with me.  I have said this time and again.  Pre twin Emily would kick the crap out of Post twin Emily!!!! Reason... not being 100% grateful and loving every minute of being a mom!!!  I would have done anything to be a mom and if I had read a blog with a woman that had beautiful twin girls complaining about how hard it is, well I would have had a few choice words for that mom.  Fast forward to today!  Our life is defiantly not the rainbows and butterflys I thought it would be!  There are times I sit back and look at my girls and know how lucky I am .  They make me laugh and are sooo cute it hurts.  However, there are more times than not they cry all the time, fight with each other and get into more trouble in one second while my back is turned.  I get so frustrated and don't know how to get through the day!  Then I see the news in the minute I am ready to lose it and see the destruction the tornado in OK caused and how many parents lost their children and feel horribly guilty. Then I read a blog about a fellow infertile struggling with another loss and feel even more guilty!  How does one find balance????  Then throw in being married with kids!  That is a whole different post!  I feel such immense pressure to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother and have the perfect house.  Do I let the girls CIO or look into more attachment parenting.  Do I freak out when I let the girls eat something not good for them!  The list is endless!  With so many strong opinions on parenting out there how do I know what to do!  I always feel judge by another mom or even strangers.  Maybe I put that on myself but I do feel mothers can be the most judgmental!! Myself included! I would also like to say if I have ever said something ignorant and judgmental to anyone before I had kids about parenting I am sorry and now realize how hard it really is!  I am more convinced then even as moms working or stay at home it doesn't matter we need to all stick together because this is HARD!  I guess I will get off my soap box now.  Next time I am tempted to criticize someone else's parenting skills I will reread this and remember we are all doing the best we can and its all a gray area! There isn't one right way to parent and I just need to find what works for us.

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