Well, Got Some Answers..... Good and Bad

I saw my new Ob on Monday and gave him the history of the pregnancy so far.  After a few minutes of explaining the pain issue he said he knew what it was!  He had done the surgery for my first ectopic pregnancy.  He said after 3 laprascopic surgeries I have a lot of scar tissue at the base of my uterus and when it stretches or I am up and down and moving it pulls and stretches that scar tissue which causes a lot of pain. Plus a twin pregnancy can really cause more stretching and pulling which results in a ton of pain!  It is so nice to figure out what the heck is wrong with me!  For a while I was wondering if I was going crazy or if I was just being a big baby.  He said that it's defiantly not in my head and the pain is very real and although he can't say from personal experience but the patients he treats with just one baby and only one surgery complain of a lot of pain, so my situation is very painful.  I also kept my follow up appointment with my old OB Julie today.  They took my blood pressure and it was very high so they took it on my other arm and it was just as high.  So I have to do some unpleasant test and have it checked next Tuesday.  If it is still high I will have to go on bed rest.  To be honest I feel that work is contributing to the high blood pressure.  Some very upsetting things have happened and although some have been resolved it still is weighing on me so much that I really didn't sleep last night.  The past few days have been one big emotional roller coaster and I am praying that things will all work out.  So somethings are still unanswered but at least I know I am not going crazy and the pain isn't round ligament pain like the dumb midwives were trying to convince me of.  I hope to have some more answers next week.

Hoping to get some answers this week!

Tomorrow I see my new OB and I am really hoping we can figure out what to do about my situation.  This past Wednesday I was in some pain like usual and when I got to work I had started spotting.  So I called my doctor and the midwife told me to go home and if the spotting got worse call and she was the on call for that night.  She asked about the pain and I let her know that I always have pain no matter what I am doing now even sitting but there are stages and different levels of how painful it gets.  If I am not doing much or start to get more pain and I am able to stop what I am doing and put my feet up and stay that way it won't get worse.  If I can do that it just goes from bad to worse.  She tells me its probably just round ligament pain.  I am know what that feels like and its not it!!!!!! Also round ligament pain doesn't last all the time it goes away and mainly happens when you are changing positions.  So that just really made me angry!!  I have already had issues with the midwives in this practice and this was the icing on the cake.  By 9pm Wednesday night I was in so much pain and had a hard time walking.  The pain then moved to my back so I just went to bed because I didn't want to call her again because I knew she would make me even more angry!
Every day at work I leave in pain.  Alot of the time I work longer than the 4 hours I am suppose to work and all the up and down really contributes to the pain.  I know its hard for work to accommodate the 4 hour shift because you never know how many customers will be in the store and how long each transaction takes.  I know my managers are frustrated at the schedule and  I am very frustrated with all of this but my main priority is not work its making sure I carry these babies as long as possible and hopefully not killing myself trying.  I really hope my new OB can help me and maybe figure out what is going on!  I am hoping if we can figure out what is causing the pain we might be able to avoid it.  I also want to be able to control what I do.  If I start to feel more pain I would like to be able to stop what I am doing and rest because I feel that its my body telling me to rest and slow down.
I knew that a twin pregnancy was high risk and there are more complications that go along with it but I didn't expect what has been happening and I hate feeling so useless.  I hate not being able to get things done.  However everyday I am just so thankful I am still carrying 2 healthy babies and this is a small time in my life and when I am holding them in my arms it will all be worth it!

Up in the Air!

I feel like my whole life is up in the air right now, at a time when I want stability the most!  I grew up very in a christian household and went to a christian school.  The christian school was really strict and a little cult like.  I am happy for the sacrifices my parents made to send us to a private christian school but that school did a number on me in regards to religion.  However looking back I have come to realize it kept me out of trouble in the early teen years so I am thankful for that.  The reason I bring this up is as soon as I was out of that school I strayed away from the beliefs of my church, not the school, and have had a hard time going to church.  Since starting IVF I have started to go back to my religious roots more and more.  No I am not quite ready to go to church but I have been praying a lot more and trying to retain myself not to worry so much and pray about situations and know that everything will work out the way it should.  Well the past couple of weeks have been a test and a half and at times I am failing!  At this point I have no idea where we will be when these babies are born!  I LOVE our house but we need to sell it so I can stay home.  I have to keep thinking that it doesn't matter where we live as long as I have my wonderful husband and healthy babies I won't care if we live in a place that is not as nice.  We have a few options and some happen to be out of state which also stresses me out.  On top of all that stress I had to go to the ER on monday because I was in a lot of pain and showed signs of very early preterm labor.  They said that my body is telling me to slow down and if I don't I will go into labor early!  So they have me only working 4 hours a day.  Yesterday I did my first 4 hour shift and I still left in pain!  I think it is the constant up and down that my job requires.  So I am not sure if they are going to take me out of work completely.    So another up in the air right now!  I just need to remember as long as I am taking care of these babies and making sure they stay in until at least 35 weeks then what ever happens will happen.  It doesn't keep me from worrying about everything!  I just wish I had a crystal ball to see December!  I just keep hanging on to the fact that every week I make it is a success and I am very thankful for these babies!  I am really hoping all of a sudden everything just works out and becomes clear so I can prepare for the twins! I feel like nesting towards the end is a right of passage and I want to be able to experience that!  Looking back at the pregnancy so far it is nothing like I expected!  Don't get me wrong I LOVE being pregnant and I am so thankful for this but I envisioned once I hit the second trimester I would feel great and have that pregnancy glow.  I guess I envisioned a text book perfect pregnancy!  After talking to other IVF patients turned OB patients I realize we are a different breed of pregnant patients!  We like to know everything that is going on.  We are so in tune with our bodies that when we feel things unexpected we call the doctor when sometimes we don't need to.  We are also use to having our hand held at a fertility clinic and being kept in the loop during our care that we kind of need that in an OB clinic.  The transition from infertility patient to pregnant patient is harder than I anticipated.  I am still plagued by fear that something might go wrong and we will be back to square one.    I promised myself once I hit the second trimester I would relax a little....boy was I wrong!  Infertility patients  have more at stake in a pregnancy and that causes anxiety especially when things go wrong.  A minor bump in the road can feel like a disaster because our bodies have failed us time after time that it is almost expected that it can happen during pregnancy.  Every week I just thank my body for not failing and pray it continues to do what it is suppose to do.  So all I can do is pray and take care of myself and these precious gifts as best I can and hope everything else becomes clear!

1/2 the piece of the puzzle!

Today started out like most days...crampy!  Then the cramps turned into pain so I called my doctor and they wanted me to go see them.  I was working in Tilton so it would have taken me an hour and a half to get down to Dover so they had me go to the nearest ER to rule out preterm labor!  Thank God it wasn't preterm labor.  I just really overstressed my uterus due to a rough day at work yesterday.  I didn't expect and ultrasound so when they said I would be getting one I was happy!  I am slightly addicted to ultrasounds!  Any chance to see the babies is exciting!  When we started the ultrasonographer said she knew what gender Baby A was but Baby B was not a cooperative!  We tried everything to get him/her to move....nothing!  So I have half the puzzle solved.

 

BABY B

BABY A!!!!!! This is a greeting card but I feel it fits my little diva...This link brings you to the card and you can scroll over the words to actually read them  http://www.arcadianyc.com/product.php?productid=20040&cat=1235&page=1

    

Wordless Wednsday: Can't wait to buy these cute onsies!

Sorry I haven't done wordless Wednsday in awhile!

Second Trimester!

Nursery I Love!

Baby A just relaxing

Both babies, Baby B is very blurry

Baby B getting ready to suck its thumb

I have finally entered the second trimester.  Some pregnancy books say 12 weeks is the end of the first and some say 13 is, so I am taking the latest so I know I defiantly made it!  With entering the second trimester I have been thinking a lot more about nursery ideas and I came across a picture I absolutely love!!  I figure if it is a girl and a boy maybe I can do this on one side of the nursery and on the other side do a boys version of the tree like a blue or green background and white flowers.  The walls that do not have a tree can be a neutral color.  Everyone except for a few people think I am having a boy and a girl and I have even had dreams about a boy and a girl.  So with that feeling I am having the hardest time finding boy/girl nursery ideas.  If it's 2 girls well for me that is easy.  2 boys will be a little more difficult for me since I can't really do pink! So I am hoping we can find out the genders soon! 

Life can throw you for a loop!

Wow I have been really busy lately.  Nate and I are making some major life decisions right now and although we are not ready to share the details, I can tell you I am working through some major stress.  I have been resting alot in hopes the stress doesn't affect the babies!  What I can say is we have decided to put our house on the market this week.  Where we go after that is still up in the air but we know if I want to work less or not at all when the babies come we need to do something different.  So this past week has been spent getting the house ready as well as the outside ready for selling.  Nate spent 3 days last weekend re mulching the garden areas and we have been decluttering the house and I am exhausted and we still are not done.  We hope to finish up today with cleaning the basement which I am so not looking forward to! I am really having a hard time thinking of selling this house.  I LOVE this house but I need to remember it is just a building!  It is not worth staying here for me to work 40 plus hours a week and miss seeing my children!  Plus add in the cost of daycare for 2, I would be working so someone else could spend time with my kids and that upsets me so I need to get over the house thing.  Trying to everything together and being pregnant with twins is a whole new experience!  I am hoping we can wrap everything up and move before the babies are born because I think it would be a lot harder to move with 2 newborns.  Plus I want to be settled somewhere to get the nursery ready and nest.  Now that I will be 13 weeks tomorrow I am now looking towards when the babies are actually here!  I just hope everything falls into place and it all works out.